Since the summer, at least once a month I have a nightmare so vivid that I wake up, heart pounding. The dream is different each time, but terror, pain or threat is always a recurring theme.
Sometimes a family member is the victim of my twisted subconscious. My loved ones are kidnapped or killed. Often its a very grusome murder that I'm forced to watch, knowing that I cannot save them and I'm next. I've also been helpless at the scene of horrific accidents and have to endure the feeling of the life leaving them.
I don't always sacrifice my family in dreams. There are times when I'm the only one in the hell my mind has created. When I'm the victim, the dream starts always right after the death blow is inflicted. I'm shot, stabbed, straggled ... whatever it is. I feel that first piercing, hot pain then the agonizing process of death starts.
But the most terrifying is the dreams that I'm in a situation where I know I'm in trouble, but whatever it is hasn't happened yet. There's no escape. Someone is stalking me or breaking into my house. These always wake me up and leave me terrified in real life.
While all warm and cozy in my bed, I hear sounds ... making me wonder if my dream filtered over into reality. Needless to say, I make double damn sure my doors are locked before I go to bed.
These dreams are always interrupted. I wake at what I believe is the apex of the terror. In my gut I feel as though it can't get any worse--or maybe I just tell myself that because I can even comprehend the pain coming next.
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