Waiting along the path

The various paths life takes continuously has me in awe.

When I was eight, I had no real clue what I wanted to do when I grew up (ha! I still don't)

I knew I could write well and had some visual creativity/aptitude.

Sophomore year, when they asked us to write a paper of what we wanted to do after high school graduation I wrote I would go to the local UW (I got that one right!), UW-Eau Claire and graduate with a degree in journalism.

By senior year I knew MSF, I didn't know my four year, and I was absolutely confident that I would find some form of journalism to please me (I didn't like print, no place to make money other than big cities).

September 11, 2001, I no longer wanted to be a journalist. Public Relations.

Sophomore year in college, PR ... maybe something with sports ... Definitely decided to finish my undergrad studies at UW-Green Bay.

Junior year ... PR, don't want to do broadcast...fun as hell, but way too stressful. It's the journalist's life x7 on the hellish scale. Still think sports-related pr would be fun--but realize it's competitive and need to find a unique angle for it.

Senior year ... PR, corporate communications (to most they are the same thing, others think they aren't needed at all). Winter 2004 rolls around and I'm prodded into Higher Education Administration (maybe all those career tests were right, they all said I would be a good counselor...or priest...but i doubt grandma wants to hear about Pro-Choice, Anti-Death Penalty, why we need to embrace people like Marilyn Manson and why religion should stay out of politics and public policy).

So here I am ... around one month and seven days from ending my undergraduate career. The first person in either family to graduate from college (and remember my mom has 13 siblings).

What do I want?
Who do I want to be when I grow up?

Answer A: a llama. -- No?
Answer B: how the hell am I supposed to know? You never gave me those tools! You said here, study, get good grades. We all assumed it would lead to a job. What's all this shit with applying to things that are vaguely related to what we studied? The rejection letters. No letters at all.

Then, the job you never expected...never dreamed you wanted....opening up...and a desire, a passion woken in you...You want that job. You see yourself in that job. The wait for that job is torturous. The doubts are still there...and the anxiety of applying for other jobs. What if I get offered this one before the other one comes about? I can't turn it down, because what if I don't get my Option A? But can I accept it and wait for word on the other one?

All new territory. Pretty frightening stuff for a J...Especially a J that avoids things that she doesn't want to face. However, the J has been preparing, working with an employer to find out why she made a good employee, what to improve, how to interview, etc.

Read my Sophomore year paper. I never dreamed I would be at this point.

How am I supposed to answer the five year question? I have ambition, yes. But I honestly have no idea where my path will lead me next. The only thing I know is I trust in myself and that there's a greater plan that will guide me along the way.

(maybe I could do the priestess gig after all)