Kiss of Death

I was mixing chocolate pudding my with my grape nuts for breakfast. "What are you doing?" I was asked.

My response: the milk is going bad, I'm not eating it on cereal. Pudding has some semblance of calcium ... it'll do the trick.

"Speaking of milk," my mom said, "I went in the barn the other day and the little kitty ... "

"What?! Was she down? Was she missing?" * Silence * Good lord let her be missing. "Is she dead?"

Mom nods her head. "She wasn't moving much and was kind of cool to the touch."

I tore back to my room, throwing on clothes. Putting on shoes I run out to the shed.

The ladder is put away. My heart sinks.

I climb the saw horses. Mom comes in. "She's not up there anymore."

I jump down. The baby is laying in a pail on a bed of sawdust. I look down on her.

"She's not breathing," Mom says.

I gently shake the pail. No movement. I touch her with the back of my fingers. Her eyes are somewhat open. I shake the pail again.

Nothing.

I was just out here two days ago. She was moving around, starting to play. I was going to bring out toys so I could amuse her more.

If only I had come out here yesterday .... how could she have turned so fast?

My head immediately goes through all the cats that have died over the years.

The tiny one who was born in November--he was tan and striped. None of the other cats would go by him. I got busy and didn't come by him for a week. It got too cold.

The four babies who were abandoned by their momma. They were the hardest. We brought them inside to feed and try to keep warm. Watching them decline from balls of fur, skinnier, weak, to picking up limp bodies trying to get food in the mouth. I cried so much. I've never been so close to death that i could feel life slipping away.

My beautiful, talented Mr. Ripley ... the cat who could fetch tennis balls. I'm not sure anymore what happened to him.

Besides me. The kiss of death. The cats I liked would die, leaving the mean ones. Every time. Thoughts of what could I have done differently to save them ... or her? DId Fergie stop feeding her because I would pet her? No ... it wouldn't have taken that fast. Did I get her sick by bringing her in the house last week? Did she fall over the edge and hit her head or break her neck? I should have put her on the bottom level when I saw her playing at the edge ... :-(

It was hard for me to lose these cats over the years. As I got older I was able to handle it better, not be as attached.

I didn't even name this little one. I knew she would either start hating me or die. But I still thought she might be different. I thought maybe I would have a friend for the summer. And then maybe I could move out and have her inside. She was so fluffy and furry and calm, with a white tipped tail.

I saw on the news the other day that inside cats have double the lifespan than their outside counterparts. Damn the inevitiable heartbreak.

100 Hundred Facts about me

1. Eating raw onions gives me a headache.
2. I like my job.
3. I didn’t like my birthstone (emerald) until I watched Wizard of Oz.
4. I used to run from the kitchen to my room because I thought evil things lurking in the dark places would get me.
5. Cutting 12 inches of hair crossed off my life goal of getting my hair cut like John Rzeznik, lead singer of the Goo Goo Dolls.
6. I have my ears pierced the same way Rzeznik does (or did in 2001).
7. My staple piece of jewelry is his trademark silver ball-bearing necklace.
8. I’ll trust you until you give me a reason not to, but once you do, stay away from me.
9. I am extremely loyal in everything I do, and I expect my counterparts to be as well.
10. I cried when I found out I needed glasses.
11. Now I wear my glasses more than my contacts.
12. I think I look cute in my glasses.
13. I used to read several books a week.
14. Since graduating from college, I have read two books cover to cover.
15. I don’t believe “The DaVinci Code” is completely fictional.
16. I don’t respect Eric Clapton because I feel he used his son’s death to sustain his celebrity.
17. I don’t like John Travolta. I don’t quite know why.
18. My nails aren’t very strong and break easily.
19. I love flowers, but think wedding roses are cliché.
20. My favorite flowers are irises and calla lilies.
21. My main character Family Guy hierarchy is: Brian, Stewie, Chris, Lois, Peter, Meg.
22. Van Gogh is my favorite artist.
23. My two best Goodwill finds are my Italian Espresso maker and Van Gogh orange vodka bottle.
24. I believe God comes to you in the way you can most easily comprehend.
25. My favorite animals are cats, ducks and llamas.
26. Don’t ask me what the deal with the llamas is. I don’t know.
27. My guilty viewing pleasure is the WWE.
28. I own two Green Bay Packer jerseys: Brett Favre and Travis Jervey.
29. I don’t remember the Thundercats, but my family tells me it was my favorite cartoon.
30. I’ve broken my left ankle, left clavicle and a couple of toes.
31. I have Lymes Disease. Before I was diagnosed I had a 104 fever. Three days of not sleeping. Four antibiotics. I wanted to die.
32. <-- My favorite number.
33. I’m a liberal democrat.
34. I don’t support the death penalty.
35. I love PBS.
36. Despite her attempts at world domination, I still like Martha Stewart.
37. When I was a kid, Tom Cruise was my favorite actor. Today it’s Matt Damon.
38. I used to think South Park with ignorant and immature. Now I’m hooked.
39. I have six piercings. I would like to get more.
40. Marilyn Manson completely fascinates me.
41. Ghost Whisper and Extreme Home Makeover make me cry every time.
42. I’ve never had braces, but my teeth are perfectly straight.
43. I don’t like milk chocolate.
44. My favorite cookies are Lemon Oat Laces.
45. I’m afraid of spiders and snakes.
46. I love the television series M*A*S*H*
47. I have a Quote Notebook where I collect fun and inspirational quotes.
48. I am Pro-Choice, though I don’t know if I would be strong enough to have an abortion.
49. In middle school I worried so much about everything I made myself sick.
50. I love watching cooking shows and trying out new techniques.
51. I don’t feel comfortable in my extended families anymore.
52. I believe in multiple soul mates rather than one romantic match.
53. I have only met one Viking fan I completely enjoy and respect.
54. A messy room makes me claustrophobic.
55. When I take trips, my new souvenir is to steal spoons. Just regular eating spoons.
56. I prefer white wine to red.
57. My eating weakness is at night.
58. I drink coffee for the taste of it, not the caffeine.
59. If I need to stay awake at night, coffee does help, but I’m not sure if it has the same effect in the morning.
60. I feel even though I graduated college with highest honors, have a full-time job in my degree and have a good start, my family judges me on my lack of mate rather than these accomplishments.
61. I don’t eat things I don’t like – it’s a wasteful use of calories.
62. I would love to have a cat in the house.
63. I love polishing silver; removing stains from clothes frustrates me.
64. I used to think Freddy Krueger would come out of the shower drain.
65. It wasn’t until high school that I first watched “IT” all the way through and realized the shower drain fear came from that movie.
66. I physically jumped back when it was revealed that IT was really a spider.
67. I have no time for people who put others down.
68. I’ve had a crush on a professor.
69. I didn’t like football until seventh grade.
70. I’m not naturally physically gifted or good at sports. But if I practice I’m pretty good.
71. I never get a chance to practice.
72. Math was my most difficult subject.
73. I was good at math when concepts were applied in physics and chemistry.
74. I’m worried about the future, but not sure how to plan for it.
75. I got a Rubik’s cube for my 19th birthday, but I haven’t solved it yet.
76. I don’t like beer, but I love Guinness.
77. I refuse to pledge my allegiance. Especially to a flag.
78. I’m terrified of becoming that crazy cat lady.
79. As a child, I hid in many places, crying because of the yelling in my house.
80. I’m not over the hurt of losing who I thought was a good friend.
81. Though it wasn’t an ideal situation, I wasn’t wrong. I accept the consequences.
82. I hate wearing socks. I hate soggy socks even more.
83. I think uniforms are sexy … and against my better judgment, that includes baseball.
84. If I have a son, I want to name him Derian Christopher.
85. I just recently realized that I do want to have children someday.
86. I hate going to the bank.
87. I love horror movies and am always looking for a movie to scare me.
88. I can fit my fist in my mouth.
89. I would like to be a published writer.
90. My eyes are always dilated.
91. I hate when women say (or act like) that they aren’t complete without a man.
92. With that said, what does an independent, strong woman who likes sports have to do to get a boyfriend?
93. I can use a computer mouse with either hand.
94. Accents are completely sexy, even the New York and Boston ones.
95. I want to improve my posture, but it feels like a losing battle.
96. I am completely, 100 percent against tanning whether it is in a bed or outside. I never go out in the summer sun without sun block.
97. September 11, 2001 deterred me from becoming a journalist.
98. I still love “The Monster at the End of this Book.”
99. I want to receive a master’s degree … I’m just not sure what it will be in.
100. I love Old Dutch’s Dill Pickle chips!

Brett Favre's Farewell Tour

When Brett Favre finally made his decision I was relieved. Not because he would come back and play for the Packers, I was preparing myself for his departure. I was just glad to have the speculation and bad-mouthing of Brett Favre over. I completely agree he needed to make a decision. The comment he made “there’s still about 120 days left until the season opener” made me cringe. Colin Cowherd from ESPN Radio said Brett was like a woman. “Does this dress make my butt look big? Do I look fat in this? This color or stripes?” – Just pick a damn dress already!

In general everyone took it too far. Brett Favre holding the team hostage? Whatever. I think Ted Thompson has the stones to do everything in his power to make Favre want to leave without telling him to. And in the beginning we thought that’s what he was doing letting Ryan Longwell, Mike Flanagan and crew go.

No they wouldn’t have cut Favre or trade him. It needed to be Favre's decision to avoid riots.

Comparing Favre to Walker. That argument had no credibility. Walker threatened holdout. Walker wouldn’t play because he felt that after one successful year he was worth more money. Walker aired his internal grievances with the media.

Favre was pondering a decision. He wanted to make the best decision for his family, for mind and body and finally, yes … even for the Packers. At this point in his career … does the money make a difference? Not really. He can earn whatever he’s due through the contract through endorsements, book deals, or getting in the business (sports caster, anchor, coach, etc.). He never once made a negative comment against the organization.

So why did they use their first round pick on QB-Aaron Rodgers last year if Favre’s coming back? Just what everyone has been saying it was used for: to draft a future quarterback. No one thought Matt Hasselbeck was anything special. Aaron Brooks, Mark Brunell or any number of the other quarterbacks the Packers have drafted in Favre’s tenure as gunslinger.

I think it’s great that Rodgers is getting another year to sit and learn. As Eli has found out …not all first-round QB’s can win like Payton Manning. An article said Rodgers is losing millions by sitting again this year. Maybe. But what if he takes the experience and knowledge he picks up from two years of Brett Favre to go on and have a successful 15-year career? Will he then look back and regret these two years?

I was pretty nonchalant with the announcement. I opened the last bottle of Californian wine to celebrate, but really I wasn’t as excited as I thought I was going to be.

Until I saw footage from the first minicamp. It brought back that old fire in me to see Favre throwing bullets to the rookies and old favorites. I couldn’t wait for kick off (even without Ryan) when I saw the interaction between Rodgers and Favre. Rodgers grabbed Favre’s helmet and pulled it off by the facemask. Then Favre rolled up his sleeves and showed anyone who was interested his guns. The playful banter between the two reminded me of the three amigos … when we all were carefree and not tainted by the greed and stupidity that comes with success.

Everyone debates what’s the best way for any player to exit: on top, one last stab at glory or injury. I don’t have an answer for that. When I think Steve Young I think of the success, but also the career ending hit that left him motionless on the field for four minutes. When I think of Dan Marino I think of all those average years of the Dolphins, but also the exceptional QB. I don’t remember the score of the last game he played in or their record.

My nugget of advice to the three-time MVP: Make your decision now. Is this your last year? Want to go for another? Tell us. Get the monkey off your back before it starts throwing banana peels. The team, fans, country … and maybe even you … need a year to say goodbye.