This time I sat on the steps and cried

I had big plans for tonight.

I was going to work very little for a fabulous and healthy supper. 

I was going to watch Bob Ross and the Joy of Painting.

I was going to set my fantasy teams.

I was going to put away the clutter on the counter.

I was going to do dishes and put away last night's dishes.

I was even going to fold clothes and label newsletters.

But all of that was gone in one beep .... and then 5 minutes later three beeps ..... again, and again and again.

Remember that episode of Friends?  Pheobe realizes her smoke detector is beeping, so she takes out the battery ... but it keeps beeping.  She smashes it into pieces and it continues to beep.  She throws it down the garbage shoot and it's returned to her ... still beeping.

It was that.

But I didn't know what was beeping or where it was coming from.

And that's a good way to put me into the crazy house.  Give me a beeping that I can't stop.

I was getting dinner *BEEP*   Sitting down to watch Bob Ross ... it's over, I got the wrong time.

*BEEP*BEEP*BEEP*

Okay, what the fuck is that? 

I sit in the living room.  Nothing.

I walk in the kitchen, stand there for awhile.  Nothing.

I open the back door and walk down to the basement. Nothing.

I figure since I'm down there I could do a load of laundry.  I get the washer going and notice my laundry basket isn't down here.  So I went upstairs and took the laundry off the rack up there and transfer it to the kitchen table.  Then I take the laundry basket it to take it back downstairs to get those clothes off the line. 

*BEEP*BEEP*BEEP*

There it was again, and loud that time.  So back downstairs I go, that's the only place I could think the beeping might come from.  I get the laundry off the line and take it back upstairs to sit on the table with it's white counter parts.

*BEEP*

Okay, so now I'm convinced it's in the basement.  So I sit. in. the. basement. for. 20 minutes.

Nothing.

Go back upstairs.  *BEEP*BEEP*BEEP*

Okay, where are the fucking cameras, ha ha the joke is over.


I wish.


I walk around the house again and hear it faintly in the living room, but not in the kitchen.


Fail safe.  Call the parents.

Is it the stove? No. Microwave? No. Radio? Dishwasher? Alarm? TV? Laptop?

NO!!!!!!

Finally (and 45 minutes later) I wander upstairs (which I don't like doing at night, don't judge me, I believe in spooks).

No beeps, nothing that could beep.

Until ... a smoke detector.

I touch it .................... the beeping is loud, it's the beeping, and it doesn't stop.

So I take out the battery ... and thank god, the beeping stops.


But the tears start.  This damn battery with it's damn beeping shows me how vulernable and helpless I can be.

I just can't take beeping.