Finding balance: I didn't get that handbook

When I grow up, I want to be a person who is motivated to work full-time, cook healthy meals from scratch, volunteer, have an impeccably clean house,  have a social life and take some me time now and then.  I'm currently not any of those things.

I tell myself, I just need a better way to organize myself or find a better routine and things will fall into place.  That hasn't happened yet.  Something in my wants and needs list always suffers, and my best intentions never quite pan out.

No matter how many times I try to teach Hercules how to 

pick up around the house, rake leaves or use the 

snowblower he never volunteers to help.

There are some things (like housekeeping) that could be remedied with better habits ... or maybe I'm just lazy.  But other areas, I'm just simply at my capacity.  And here's my cry for help.  No matter how many times I tell people either politely or bluntly that I am at my limit ... I can't go to that meeting or event or I can't lend a hand at that volunteer project, they keep interjecting me in.

Tonight I brought home some extra things to do, but didn't get to them because I'm nursing a cold, feel just mentally and physically exhausted and inadvertently took a nap.  I started feeling anxiety because I was mentally mapping out how I could fit it in a lunch hour already filled with errands, exercising and eating.

I have been saying no.  But I still feel guilt when I have to. I guess that's the next life skill I have to work at.

How do you "Do it all"?  Any routines or lifestyle organizing secrets I didn't get the handbook for?  And how do you balance saying no?

Things we hold dear

Okay, first world problems.  I guess I could also classify it as problems that in the grand scheme of things, really, this is meaningless.  But, let's be honest, when they come for our high speed internet there will be an even bigger revolt.

I just spent an hour and a half dealing with tech support because my Internet has been spotty. The past week I've had to restart my modem/router a couple of times during the day.  Or I've given up on the issue and used my data.  Yesterday I got sick of it and used my mobile hotspot.  That was causing me frustrations and of course, draining my battery.

So today I bit the bullet and called tech support.  Well, no, let's back up.  I used the live chat.  I don't know why I thought that would be easier.  But I hauled myself, my phone and my laptop down to the basement (where my setup is) and started the process.  We got connected and the Internet went out.  Dumbly, I had my wifi on my phone turned on, so when the internet went out, my live chat was disconnected as it was trying to switch back to 4G.

I chalked this up to a me-problem and the lack of foresight to not be connected to an unreliable internet when you are using the internet to troubleshoot your issue.  Back again I went to the chat, waited several minutes, connected to a new service rep, waited several more minutes.  She was brought up to speed by my previous service rep and then she started running tests.  And then I was disconnected from the chat.  Again.  This time, I blame the service provider.  My 4G was working fine, there was no reason for that disconnection on my end.  There was no means to call them back and continue the service call without going back into the loop of waiting customers.  They didn't attempt to reconnect or call back either.

Try number three - I called.  I should have done that 45 minutes ago.  Now I'm on hold.  I went back upstairs to grab my coffee and kindle.  Ten minutes pass and I go for more coffee and to go to the bathroom.  Another 10 minutes, my internet connection is back, so I start working on what I had wanted to be working on all along. Standing by a workbench in the basement.  The music on the line is a little disconcerting.  There's no mention that you're on hold or that someone will be available to help you or that they even acknowledge your existence.  It also vaguely sounds like the Lion King soundtrack.

I'm starting to get nervous, because my phone battery is getting low since I've been using it to live chat, and have been running on 4G the whole morning.  I run back upstairs and get a charger.  Then, finally, I'm connected to a person and the tech support is getting underway.  The support is top-notch.  I've been with this company for 8 years, and I've only had to call in maybe three times to get help. Whenever I've done that, they have been able to solve my problem quickly.

So all's well that ends well.  It just was a comedy of errors getting to this point.

Take Look, It's In a Book

The past few years I've been choosing what I read based on a challenge list.  I got my original list from Popsugar.com and started customizing my own since.  I started this because I realized I would get overwhelmed when choosing books and only would pick up chick lit or books from series.  These books are good in their own way, but I wasn't really enjoying what I reading, and only chose those titles because I knew I could read them quickly to meet a goal.

These lists have made me go out of my comfort zone and challenge myself.  I've been exploring new genres, reading old classics and don't have to feel guilty about picking up a new release (even though I have hundreds of other books on my To-Read list).

There are some categories I really enjoy and fill quickly, and I've tried to add or expand on those categories. Last year I really liked the career-focused books and memoirs, so I've added more options this year.  I'm always challenged finding a play, poetry and graphic novels but the end experience is always rewarding.  I've thought about removing these, but they really make me reach and explore so they have stayed on my lists.

It's my third year choosing books this way, and I've been learning how to refine my book-selecting skills with research on Goodreads, Pinterest, and Overdrive, a digital library.  Finding the right books isn't a quick process.  I still get discouraged at the beginning of the year when I have 50 empty categories sitting before me.  I've discovered I need to plan books in advance because a certain measure of patience is required when it's a popular book and there are holds.  Plus it always makes me feel better when I know I have something waiting in the wings for me.

If you feel like you're in a reading rut, I highly encourage picking a category to decide what will be your next book.  Here are my lists from 2016 and 2017 if you're looking for some ideas.

What I'm reading right now:  The Sharper the Knife, the Less You'll Cry and Mr. Penumbra's 24-hour Bookstore.  I have Wonder checked out, but I haven't started it yet.  Happy Reading!

2016 Reading List

Favorites: Maus, The Audacity of Hope, The Body Reader, Girl on the Train, Eleanor & Park, The Godfather, The Year of Yes, The Martian, Bel Canto, Spark Joy

1. Industry-focused – Contagious  (July)
2. Written by a YouTuber  - You’re Never Weird on the Internet (September)
3. Continuing a Series – The Hollow City  (March)
4. Start a Series – Perdido Street Station (June)
5. Current Events – The Audacity of Hope  (October)
6. Self-Help – Spark Joy  (September)
7. Zombies – Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (December)
8. Biography/Memoir – You Can’t Make This Up (September)
9. Best Seller List – The Body Reader (September)
10. Already Own on Kindle – The Mermaid’s Sister (December)
11. Graphic Novel – Maus (December)
12. About Writing – On Writing  (October)
13. New Spin on a Fairy Tale – Alice (September)
14. “Best 100” Classic Book – Jane Eyre  (December)
15. Book Club Pick – This is Where it Ends (November)
16. Thriller – Girl on the Train  (February)
17. Ghost – Saint Odd  (April)
18. Hyped Up Book – Outlander  (May)
19. Book from Author in their 20’s – The Opposite of Loneliness (August)
20. From an Author who wrote 20+ Books – Mr. Mercedes  (February)
21. Author I’m Interested In – Velocity (December)
22. From Childhood – Son  (March)
23. For Life Crisis – Thrive  (November)
24. Super Popular Author – Tricky Twenty-Two (November)
25. Set in Wisconsin – Odd Wisconsin (November)
26. Love Story that Doesn’t Suck – Eleanor & Park (June)
27. Career Focused – Creativity, Inc.  (August)
28. Female Author – Love Like Crazy (October)
29. Road Trip Book – The Lost Continent (September)
30. Modern Mystery – The Short Drop  (March)
31. Book to Movie – Already Out – The Godfather (November)
32. Book to Movie – Before it Comes Out – The Night Circus (August)
33. Young Adult – Red Queen (November)
34. Contemporary – Bel Canto (October)
35. Crime – The Eyre Affair  (June)
36. Humor – Fat Girl Walking (November)
37. Fantasy – Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (November)
38. Recommended by a Friend – The Scar (December)
39. Christmas – Visions of Sugar Plums (December)
40. Football – Silver Linings Playbook (June)
41. Author’s First Book – Everything We Keep (November)
42. Horror – Five Nights at Freddy’s: Silver Eyes  (January)
43. In Space – The Martian  (December)
44. Anticipated – A Lion Among Men (December)
45. Inspiring – Year of Yes (July)
46. Quick Read – The Ocean at the End of the Lane (April)
47. Discovered b/c Last Year – Maus II (December)
48. Play – Wit  (December)
49. Award Winner – The Man in the High Castle  (December)
50. Published in 2016 – Jilo  (July)
51. Poetry – Celebrations (December)
52. Free Choice – The Source (June)
53. Free Choice – The Line  (May)
54. Free Choice – The Void (July)
55. Free Choice – The Light of the Fireflies  (August)
56. Free Choice – 10 Secrets for Success & Inner Peace  (December)

Monthly Breakdown

January: 1 book
February: 2 books
March: 3 books
April: 1 book
May: 2 books

June: 5 books

July: 4 books
August: 5 books
September: 5 books
October: 4 books
November: 9 books
December: 14 books

2017 Reading List

January
1. Set in the Future - Scarlet
2. Set in the Past - Frog Music
3. New Author - Mr. Penumbra's 24 Hour Bookstore
February
4. Book to Movie – Before it Comes Out - Wonder

5. Finish a Series - The Library of Souls

6. Free Choice - Adnan's Story
7. About or By a Person with a Disability - Rosemary

March
8. Career Focused - Linchpin 9. Free Choice - Good as Gone
10. Inspiring - Life's Missing Instruction Manual
11. Already Own - The Sharper Your Knife, the Less You Cry

April
12. About Food - The Art of Pie 13. Horror - The Exorcist

May
14. Free Choice - A Partial History of Lost Causes
15. Book of Letters - The Gurnsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society
16. On To-Read List - The Rosie Project
17. Anticipated - The Girl in the Spider Web
18. Start a Series - The Gunslinger
19. Written by a Celebrity - Wildflower
20. Continuing a Series - Cress

June
21. Written by an YouTuber - The Only Pirate at the Party
22. Set in Wisconsin - The Man Who Painted the Universe
23. Self-Improvement - Quiet
24. Health related - Whole
25. About Eating - Life from Scratch

July
26. Popular Book - Turbo Twenty-Three
27. Free Choice - Winter
28. Memoir - Every Day I Fight
29. Murder Mystery - Night Film
30. Zombies - Positive

August
31. Published in 2017 - The Play of Death
32. In Space - Astrophysics for People in a Hurry
33. Fairy Tale Re-Told- Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister

September
34. Espionage Thriller - The Dead Don't Bleed

October
35. Political - Hamilton
36. Football - League of Denial

November
37. Classic Book - The Bell Jar
38. Graphic Novel - The Walking Dead, Vol. 1
39. Marketing focused - How the World Sees You
40. Free Choice - Ready Player One

December

41. Play - Blithe Spirit
42. Poetry - I Knead My Mommy
43. Free Choice - The Memory Box
44. Leadership - Change-friendly Leadership
45. Author I Enjoy - After Alice
46. Christmas - The Snow Queen
47. Book to Movie – Already Out - Chocolat
48. About Writing - Good Prose
49. Already Own - I Killed the Man Who Wrote This Book
50. Young Adult - The Last Unicorn

Dusty Stuff is Not Happiness

Last year I read "Spark Joy," the companion book to "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing" by Marie Kondo. You've probably heard of it.  The KonMari Method includes holding each object you are considering for decluttering, asking if it brings you joy and if it doesn't, thanking it for its service and existence before parting ways.

The reason you might have heard about a decluttering book written by a Japanese woman is because the KonMari Method is pretty extreme. Can you imagine yourself working through your house, picking up things, closing your eyes to really concentrate if you're feeling joy and then setting that uninspiring object free with a word of thanks? It's an unlikely practice, right?

In "Spark Joy" she admits to decluttering possessions from members of her family without their permission.  She also recounts about when she got rid of some household tools because they didn't bring her joy, but having to go buy the exact same tools because she need it a couple of months later.

I didn't read "Life Changing" and didn't realize "Spark Joy" was meant to pair with it.  But after reading it, I found some insight in my tidying habits and picked up tips where I could improve.  As crazy as it sounds, asking if an object brings joy helps when decluttering.  I've been there before, like cleaning out my closet.  There's one shirt that doesn't quite fit right.  I ask myself, "Am I really going to wear this shirt?  I don't like the way I look when I tried it on." The logical and objective part of my brain says, "No."  The weird, emotional part of my brain says, "But I got it on a 75% off sale. What a deal! And I don't really have anything that color and the color looks nice on me."  So, back to the back of the closet it goes.

I think that's why this book gained popularity.  She addresses something most cleaning/organizing books don't.  We accumulate things for a lot of different reasons other than necessity.  Because of that it is sometimes emotionally difficult to clean and part ways with things.

With the KonMari method, when the first answer is no, and I am pretty certain I'm not going to wear it, I know that getting rid of it will give it a home with someone who will use it and enjoy it.  This came in handy, especially when decluttering childhood items.  It helped me par down the things I really wanted to keep and feel good about donating things I used to love but didn't want them to collect dust in my home.

My organizing style defaults to creating piles so clutter tends to get out of hand if I don't work through those piles regularly.  The KonMari method has been generally helpful to keep motivation to organize without getting overwhelmed.  Here's links to the main strategies if you'd like to give it a try: Tips to Declutter from A Blissful Mind and Marie Kondo's Tiding Up.

"Life Changing" is still on my To-Read list, and if you like decluttering and organizing you'd probably like either book. If this thought process of organizing (sparking joy and giving thanks) seems too silly, read "Spark Joy" with the understanding that all the advice might not be right for you, but there will be some helpful tips that you could apply to your life.  Kondo seems to take herself less seriously in "Spark Joy" and it offers practical tips and techniques.  I love her folding style. My dressers fit so much more and everything is neatly presented.

Reborn!

Last year I decided to put this blog to rest.  I didn't have a cohesive vision to continue and have moved to a point in life where sharing my inner-most thoughts on the Internet wasn't appealing.

Around mid-year I realized I really missed writing and journaling isn't the same. I like the feedback and connection this format brings. I tried to figure out a new spin to focus my writing and find a new name.

Obviously I could never find it. But here's the thing, I like Blurring the Edges. I think it fits my vision -- sharing things that I love, giving my opinion, and looking at the world in a different way.  So, Blurring the Edges - reborn!

My goal is to write once a week. Real, meaningful writing that isn't just random thoughts thrown at the screen.  Here's where it gets challenging. That, of course, takes time and thinking. And I have little interest to sit in front of a computer after work.

After my year hiatus I've collected a few ideas I hope to explore with you.  There's a lot going on in the world,  and while I don't want to write political posts, I think I can contribute towards the conversation in social change.  And I'm still doing my category themed reading challenge,  so I can tell you about the books I'm reading.

I love YouTube and podcasts and love to share the best of the best.  I also have opinions about how we consume media. How it's changing our culture and how we could become better informed to make more educated judgements.

So this is post 1 of my goal of 56.  Come along on the journey with me.