Closest to Heaven that I'd Ever Be

Just saw a friend post a video for his Day 1 pick of the 30 Day Song Challenge.  I found the full 30 Day list via search here.

I was just thinking about writing about music and how diverse my tastes have become, so this is perfect.

Looking at the list, it's actually going to take a lot of thinking, and may be a little harder than I first thought.  Regardless, what a fun challenge, and hopefully I get to share some great music that you might check out.

So Day 1: Your Favorite Song.

Now, I don't listen to this song as much as I used to, but whenever it comes on the radio or pandora  I pause, take a breath and smile.

Iris - Goo Goo Dolls - Dizzy Up the Girl (written for the City of Angels Soundtrack), 1998

This was a confusing time for me musically.  I had grown up with country and Disney musicals.  But now, I was listening to Top 40 radio on the bus.  I knew the music of my childhood wasn't going to cut it, but the new music wasn't that thrilling either.

But then came Iris, which was so dynamic and different from late 90's pop; I loved it instantly.  Legend has it, Lead singer John Rzeznik was suffering from writers block when he was asked to write a song for City of Angels.  He saw the movie and wrote Iris immediately after.  It was their breakthrough single to mainstream radio, and set records for the time of being number one for 18 weeks.

So I looked into the band and I discovered that a couple of the songs I liked from the radio were from the Goo Goo Dolls.  And, as with all things I love, my interest certainly didn't stop at Iris.

Oddly enough, years after I fell in love with Iris and the Goo Goo Dolls, I saw City of Angels.  I dislike Nicholas Cage and didn't enjoy his performance.  The movie was good but I think I only watched it that one time.

I now own all of their CD's except for the first release, self-titled.  The Goo Goo Dolls are THE band that shaped my teenage years.  Listening to their music is coming home.

Day 2: Your Least Favorite Song ... what will I pick??

Horrible Hobbies

I am horrible at having hobbies.  Picking new things to explore is easy.  Sticking with them enough to accomplish something is where it all goes wrong.

As a child I think I may have taken up nearly every hobby a normal kid tries ... collecting stamps and coins, ice skating, rollar skating, guitar--not piano although I always wanted to try. I've done crafts, had a scrapbook, painted and took up drawing.  I even learned to cross stitch and knit.

In a matter of time I lose interest or reached a plateau of learning where to get better would take an act of god or coupious amounts of practice.  Which, I get it, practice is a good thing and that's how you get better.  But aren't hobbies supposed to be fun?  Not work?  Maybe that's where I go wrong.

The thing is, the only thing I've ever been naturally good at is drawing and writing.  I don't think my drawning skills are above average, though I do love to draw.  It's good, but not great.  Where writing is something I think I can feel proud of.

My idea of hobbies are something to do in your spare time that you love.   Now, there are a lot of things I love, but I don't think they are very good hobbies .... if they are hobbies at all.  Saying I cyber-stalk Dooce might be a hobby, but it's also a little creepy. Watching television, you tube, playing online games and reading might be hobbies, but they're also pretty dull.  

The issue I run against is that I get bored or disinterested pretty easily.   I love to cook, drink wine and try new foodie things -- but if I'm not in the right mood I could care less.  Hard to keep up with anything that way.

Maybe a part of it has some to do with my lack of ambition with goals and dislike of competition.  Even writing horrifies me because I'm afraid this quality of mine will be my ultimate downfall.

Inappropriate Exchange

Dear Smoker in the Car Ahead of Me,

I understand that your vehicle is one of the few places where you can suck on that tube of dried out plants.  Maybe that's why you have such a look of ecstasy that I feel inappropriate even witnessing this exchange of oxygen for carcinogenic.

Right now, I will not protest that you're killing yourself and the people--like your family--who are around you most often.

Let's not bicker about how awful you smell when you enter a room after you "indulge."

In this moment, I'm honking at you because you're flirting with that puff instead of being aware of traffic signals, and that precious green arrow just turned to yellow.

So here we sit.  All because of your damn cigarette ... while you're at it, turn off your cell phone!

Ouat and Abouat at Tim Hortons

When G.W. was elected to his second term, my democrat friends and I joked that moving to Canada was the best option for all of us.

Now, with a looming NFL Lockout and the destruction of democracy in Wisconsin ... Canada seems to have a lot going for it.

Hey, I already like hockey.  If I lived there, I'm sure I could become as passionate about it as I am football.  Universal health care?  Sign me up ... wait, ha! Already taken care of!

Plus, I already know what Tim Hortons is and I'm really polite.

So the only thing that has me a little leery is ... how many months of the year is sandal weather in the Great White North?

Living in a Nightmare, Looking for a Dream

Since the summer, at least once a month I have a nightmare so vivid that I wake up, heart pounding.  The dream is different each time, but terror, pain or threat is always a recurring theme.

Sometimes a family member is the victim of my twisted subconscious.  My loved ones are kidnapped or killed.  Often its a very grusome murder that I'm forced to watch, knowing that I cannot save them and I'm next.  I've also been helpless at the scene of horrific accidents and have to endure the feeling of the life leaving them.

I don't always sacrifice my family in dreams.  There are times when I'm the only one in the hell my mind has created.  When I'm the victim, the dream starts always right after the death blow is inflicted.  I'm shot, stabbed, straggled ... whatever it is.  I feel that first piercing, hot pain then the agonizing process of death starts.

But the most terrifying is the dreams that I'm in a situation where I know I'm in trouble, but whatever it is hasn't happened yet.  There's no escape.  Someone is stalking me or breaking into my house.  These always wake me up and leave me terrified in real life.

While all warm and cozy in my bed, I hear sounds ... making me wonder if my dream filtered over into reality.  Needless to say, I make double damn sure my doors are locked before I go to bed.

These dreams are always interrupted.  I wake at what I believe is the apex of the terror.  In my gut I feel as though it can't get any worse--or maybe I just tell myself that because I can even comprehend the pain coming next.

A Collection of 2010

I read somewhere that based on numerology 27 was supposed to be a fantastic year for me.  And in the most part, it has been, but I think I've been getting in my own way which caused the bad things that I've experienced.

So, I'm looking forward to bringing in 2011 and enjoying the rest of 27.  Only good things from here!

A collection of 2010:

3 words: unlucky, music, connections

Favorites:


TV Show: Wipeout

Song: The Rescue's cover of Katy Perry's Teenage Dream

Movie: The remake of Nightmare on Elm Street (even though I like the original Freddy better!)  Opening weekend on my birthday!

Football player: The Beast ~ Clay Matthews

Wine: Angelique, Sparkling Wine from Stone's Throw Winery in Door County - almond flavored!

Gift Given:  Sarah's Miche :-)

New tradition: Watching Curious George after work :-p

Web site: http://www.questcrew.com/

~ * ~ * ~


Overrated:  Sarah Palin and Brett Favre --- hello! Go away~

Disappointed:  So You Think You Can Dance? Season 7 -- no reason to watch after this & Alex left b/c of injury.

I need to work on: sticking to a daily routine

Overrated Part 2: the words Vacay and Staycation!~

~  * ~ * ~

Grateful for: new friends that feel like old friends


Travel: Two trips to Door County ... and full wine racks upon return! :-)

I miss:  old friends who used to feel like home

Somewhat obsessed:  twitter, google reader & you tube subscriptions

Here's to 2011 and all the inspiration, opportunity and possibilities it brings!

Made me laugh

Click on the picture below to view the full ad.  Sorry for the size, it's just a snip off a web site.

Daily races, going nowhere

When I start thinking of everything on my to do list, all the chores, books, movies, web sites, writing, hobbies, exercise I could be doing instead of doing what I'm doing right now ... well, let's be honest ... I start to hyperventilate.  The possiblilites are infinite, time, is not.  I know I can't do it all.  I've never tried.

Sometimes I don't do anything because I know I can't accomplish it all.  Hello. Internet, you devious little distracting vixen.

I look at the to do list -- the one that isn't fun or distracting.  And its frustrating to feel weighed down by these tasks. Welcome to being an adult, I feel I can't do what I want.

Because I see the infinite amount of possibilities, and know I'm not always the best at allocating my time to fit in the most I can, sometimes, I say no.  I know my limits.

If I've said no to you, please don't take offense. It's not that you aren't important, but moreso, I want to give you 100 percent of my time or efforts.  It's annoying when people commit to something and back out last minute because they were overbooked.  Or someone's schedule is so full that they are too busy thinking/worrying about how they are going to get to the next thing that they do not enjoy what's in front of them in that moment.

I've seen it.  And I can't be that person.

The Walls would close in on Me

I have a confession to make.  I panic.  I am a panickier. (Look at that word.  Who came up with idea to put the 'K' in there?  And an 'I' in addition to the 'ER'? Strange.)

When something happens my mind goes to the worst case scenario and the sky might as well be falling because it's all over Charlie.

When I was younger I was a chronic worrier.  I would worry about everything -- so much that it physically made me sick.  I think I got over that between junior year of high school and sophomore year of college.  But what replaced it was my doomsday gut reactions.

Now that I'm responsible for myself and any financial consequences that the universe throws at me I can't help but to freak out at Every. Little. Thing.

I started wheezing last week and ohmigod, I was having an asthma attack.  It didn't dawn on me until the next day that it could possibly just be a chest cold.  It was a very long, sleepless night before I came to that conclusion though.

My oven stopped working and then came the mental calculations of how I was going to afford a new one, the anticipated stress of finding a new one and getting rid of the old one.

I wouldn't say I'm a hypochondriac because I hate these panic attacks and always have to talk myself out of them.  I also hate going to the doctor, that probably has something to do with it.

While for the most part I'm managing my panic okay, I don't know how to shut it off completely.  And once I get over that there will probably some other neuroses taking its place.

But just so you know, if I ever break a heel at a dance club, I'm going to be all Panic! At the Disco.  ..... :-)

Sorry, had to do it.

Totally ready for some football

Football is back --- Wahhooooo!!

Without it, fall would be so much less enjoyable, and Sunday would be a sad day.  I'm nervous about the potential lock out next season, and see valid positions on both sides of the table.

We got off to a great start with the Saints win over the Vikings -- but the slow, defensive battle is an indicator of the rest of Week 1 games. There weren't a lot of high flying exciting games -- at least not on my tv screen.

It's like February -- only warm

I have been living under a black cloud of bad luck lately.  This is my official request to cash in some of my good karma.

Two weeks ago I was late as I was heading to work, so I'm rushing down the three stairs to get to my back door and inadvertently kick my compost bucket which  hits the wall and explodes.

That very same week I had to cancel two vacation days because a work project deadline was moved up a week.

Two days later, I'm walking down the stairs to empty my dehumidifier bucket.  I slip down the last two stairs and jam my toe.  Ouch! I hobble around, trying to shake it off ...I was determined to not let it get the best of me.

The next day it hurts and is kind of throbbing, no big deal.  The day after, the last two toes are twice the normal size and half my foot is bruised and my little toe is black.  The bruise has been entertaining though, it changes every day.  I limped for a full week.

It's been enough time for this injury to heal, so a couple days ago, I wore very low heels.  Not even an inch high.  By noon I was totally regretting it.  Bad move, because now the toe is red, throbbing and hurts again when I walk--I think it's official, broken toe.

Let's continue to review my accident prone ways ... on Friday, I went home for lunch (at 2!) and I made myself a cup of green tea.  The water is ready and I pour it into a cup that has a tea ball in it.  But then, as I pick up the cup to move it to the counter from the stove, a tidal wave of scalding water comes cascading over the side.

It rushes is over my hand and it's all I can do not to drop the cup.  Now I have a bright red burn from my index finger all the way across my hand to my ring finger.  I've been putting aloe on it, and I'm worried it's as healed as it's going to get.  I already scar pretty easily so I might have to find my magical scar reducing gel and start putting that on.

Today I stopped to get gas and a cup of coffee.  I lift the nozzle out of the holder and gas splashes up at me, completely covering my shirt.  The nozzle must have been broken because it did the same thing after I took it out of my car (standing far away).  I smelled so bad I gave myself a headache.  So as soon as I could I went home and changed my clothes.

So universe ... I give!  I'm sorry for whatever I did~  I'll stop complaining about the stuff that's driving me crazy.  I hold down the bitterness about office coverage and answering phones.  Just please ... make the bad stuff go away!!

The view from my chair

After work I was sitting in my yellow, very weathered looking Adirondack chair on my patio.  I was struck by the moment--and that moment was exactly what I needed.

Moments of calm, peace and unexpected beauty always captivate me.  You never know when they're coming. So I guess they're God's happy little surprises.

I was working on my new, beautiful laptop (there may be a forthcoming post professing my love) with my feet up on the fire pit and i looked up.  It was quite spectacular, the view from my chair.

In that moment, looking up at this enormous pine tree that I see everyday; a view from a chair that I should have experienced many times before ... was just so new.  I marveled how the world changes from a different perspective.

I've gotten a lot of perspective in the past month.  From the very frivolous---reference above my sleek and sexy new laptop compared to old trusty that is three times as thick.  To the very serious--interviewing an amazing woman who suffered through horrible things that gives me nightmares every time I go back to her story.

Also a reminder of the perspective that I'm an outsider looking in, knowing the price is too high to find the warm feeling of acceptance that used to be natural.

So sitting in my chair, I was took a moment to reflect on how the world changes depending on where you sit--literally and figuratively.

And I reminded myself that while I had poor turn of luck that made my week horrible, bit of bad news  destroyed a week for someone else.

I guess perspective also comes with a healthy dose of gratitude.

Heart in a blender

Disappointed this year.  My colors ... they aren't as brilliant and sparkly.  The squeals.  Well, there aren't any.

So You Think You Can Dance.  Season 8.  EPIC FAIL.  (the season henceforce known as 'Yeah, we can dance, what of it?! (YWCDWOI))

At first, I loved the all stars.  Perhaps they should do just an all star show.  I had so many favorites.  There were so many that could have made the show.

But it wasn't right.  I didn't miss the show when it wasn't on.  I didn't care about every moment.  I *gasp* missed routines.

Part of the tarnish is I think the all stars carried the contestants in a way that they couldn't fail, which resulted in them not pushing themselves.  When contestents dance with someone who excels at their field, and in many instances are teachers themselves, the newbies always maintain the average.  There were no huge missteps, and some times, to borrow from a cliche ... you need to fall to rise again.

Were there too many good contestants?  Very few were not the best in their genre.  I mean, come on, Alex Freakin' Wong.  When the judges say that was perfection (in Week 2!), it gets boring.

Speaking of perfection, maybe there was a memo the audience didn't get.  Judges were way too nice.  The first or second week they were honest, but then they apologized for being harsh.  But, not only is perfection boring, you also don't learn from it.

Because let's face it, even though they maybe more naturally talented or better trained than prior contestants, they aren't as exciting.  There are no highs or lows, it's all mid range.

The choreographers also aren't varied enough.  Or maybe it's not enough of the old favorites.  Every week there's a nappytabs routine.  It doesn't make me hold my breath anymore.  I used to squeal when my fav choregos were on the show.  No Shane.  No Brian.  No Wade.  No Mia. 

I used to get butterflies before the show.  Last week.  I didn't even watch. 

Dancers personalities are great.  Maybe too young, maybe too trained.  But the excitement, passion isn't the same.

Maybe everything just aligned under the wrong star this year.  It just isn't working. 

Injuries.  It's hard to be invested in the competition when the best three dancers are eliminated because of injury.  To leave after that Twitch routine, maybe Alex rose the bar to a level the other dancers couldn't reach and his absence is preventing the others from exceeding expectations.

I'll watch Season 9 --- but in the meantime I'm totally dialed into QuestCrew.com to get the butterflies I used to get.  <3 <3

Find nothing but faith in nothing

I'm going to open a door leading to a dirty little secret.  No, not that secret, but wouldn't you like to know.

My complete and utter lack of motivation--sometimes classified as laziness.  I like to be organized, I don't like to procrastinate ... but somehow I cannot find a happy medium as an adult to accomplish everything that needs to be done.

Talking with friends tonight, I saw they had the same dilemma.  They also have the room with a closed door that hides the mess that just doesn't go away.

We all have best intentions, but when it comes to cleaning vs. vegging out, we prefer, and choose the latter.  I've tried different things, with nothing holding long term success.

I get home from work with the best intentions, and sometimes I am motivated and on a roll enough to follow through and make progress.  The only problem is, the next day it's all there again, or there's something else to get done.  It's a hard blow on the psyche.

If you know how to combat this ... you gotta help me!  I just can't reach any good consistency!

The simple days of llamas and stroking

I was inspired by a friend to look through high school yearbooks.  (Eek.)  In most ways, it's a pleasant trip down memory lane.

I really hit my stride in Junior year so I bypassed the awkward years and started at that yearbook.  Some of the stuff I don't remember .... but you have to hand it to my friends, they did a lot better than have a nice summer, see you next year and good luck in the future.  Oh no, when my children read this in the future they'll wonder about their mom.

Let me take you through what they'll learn:
1. There was a competition of who could write the most. Kerry won. Lindsey came in second.  The tandem of Jenny and Kriston came in third and Josey observed the long winded nature of all of them.
    1a. Kerry also wrote in the shiny purple pen and told me that when I was bored I should erase the silver so it would be purple.  I never did that ... although the word angel is erased.  I think Kerry did that herself, but she's still not fooling anyone.
2. Mr. Buchanan is mentioned almost more than I am.  We all obviously enjoyed, hated and obsessed about comps and physics.  The crowds rejoiced when we were done.
3. A lot of people were really happy I was Editor-in-Chief next year.
4. Lindsey started a rumor about me and Amish boys.  (Seriously Lindsey, wtf was up with that?)
5. Even though Jennifer and I didn't see each other much we had a lot of fun in history.  She claims she won.  Which I remember is not true, I won ... I'm not sure what, but I know it involves biology (from sophomore year, I believe) somehow there were legos and blue diploid freaks.
6. Jenny & Kerry value my friendship.
7. Kerry can't guarantee one of her alter egos won't murder me.
8. Jenny thinks I'm a wonderful person, even if I'm a little sarcastic.
9. Shannon confirms I have the best shoes.
10.  Sarah's not so sure I won't blackmail her.

Our senior year I got a much wider scope of people as the big going away sign fest took place.  A handful of people I used to hang out with pointed that out (Sorry about that, I was probably too weird for you anyways) and the core group didn't hog as much of the pages.

1. There are a lot of animals in here.  Ducks, llamas, monkeys, kitties, squirrels, fleas, cats, deer, donkeys, tigers and turtles.  (And I thought we didn't get into bestiality until junior year of college!)
2. There's also underwear gnomes and naked cowboys.
3. Jenny stole my picture of Johnny and hid it under my starry night picture.  Not cool Jenny. Not cool.
4. Llamas are mentioned on nearly every page.
5. To read the entries, I literally have to turn the book around and around.  Looks like I'm not the only one who can't write in a straight line.
6. To my surprise, the word lesbian comes up less than five times.  (Glad to see I rose above that)
7. I am, however, known for stroking things and dropping Charity's agenda.
8. Jennifer still thinks she won.  Though, we all know, she is wrong.
9. Eight teachers signed my yearbook.
10. Kerry and Lindsey did not.  I remember Kerry and I did an exchange, but its not with my yearbook.  Probably put it in my agenda.  Oh the STORIES that Agenda COULD TELL!!
11. Most of people did not sign their last name.    Seriously, more than half of them.

How is it that licking is not even mentioned once?!

As much as I have mixed emotions about that time (and the year to follow), it makes me nostalgic.

Ahh the simple days of llamas and stroking.  

All Chips are not created equal

Have you ever stumbled in the magnificent world of Old Dutch Dill Pickle Chips???

O.M.G.  Best Junk Food Ever!!  If I could only eat one chip (or junk food for that matter) for the rest of my life, it would totally be Dill Pickle Chips.  But, only Old Dutch.  I've tried other brands and they just do not hold a candle to these fantastic additions to the potato population.

My dad would bring home Dill Pickle chips as a treat sometimes from his frequent haunt.  Every one thought it was funny that a kid would like something sour.

I still love the chips just as much as before.  If I could buy the bulk seasoning, I'd get that wonderus salty, dilly, vinegary powder and just forgo the chips. To watch my budget (and of course, waistline) I only get them when they're on sale.  Which is way too infrequent.

Last year or so, Old Dutch released Ketchup Potato Chips.  I got a bag.  I'm not so much a ketchup on a chip fan, but love the vinegar-ness of ketchup.  So I figured, what the hell.  If I didn't like them, I'd give them to mom.

Um, well ... that bag never made it home to her.

So now I have a quandry.  When Old Dutch chips are on sale ... I just halved my stock of each.  I only allow my self four bags total (to be stored away out of sight so they last).  So very sad.

Mom realized this, and buys me a bag or two of the Dill whenever they are on sale.  She hides them so my dad doesn't find them and gives them to me.  Reason One Million and 32 why I love my Mommy.

10 Movies, If I were you, I wouldn't see

March Madness means two things to me: there's nothing good on TV for a solid three weeks and I get to do a mega movie marathon.  Typically I go to my DVD collection, but I wasn't in the mood for my old favorites this time around.

So off to the library to get some movies that had been on my list to watch.

In this year's Movie Madness I rediscovered the notion that with the fantastic flicks there must also come the really, really bad ones.

I'm not talking about low-budget special effects, corny 80's movies or random sci-fi musicals.  The really bad movies have almost no redeeming qualities--and the ones they do have you're only telling yourself in order to justify the hours of your life you can't get back.

In the 12 or so movies I watched in these three weeks, there were a couple I watched twice, some that made me laugh, cry and scream.  But one, made me fall asleep. 

Ladies and Gents .... a sign it's a bad movie.  The crap is emanating so thickly from the screen that your eyes cannot stand it and close.

This bad (bad, bad, bad) movie?  Gerry.

Now, I must admit, the only reason I got it was because of Matt Damon.  And after watching it,  I feel the production company should be sued for false advertising.  The paper/reporter who said it was "riveting & captivating story" and "the best film of the year" was either high or watching some other movie.

It's about two friends, Damon and Casey Affleck, out for an afternoon hike in Salt Lake Park.  They wander from the trail and get lost.  And here, let me spoil the ending for you so you don't have to go through the agony yourself.

Moments after Casey dies, Matt hears traffic and walks to the road.  He flags down a car, hops in and leaves his friends body in the windy wasteland.

There are long periods of time where there's no talking.  Most of the conversation is them telling each other stories (jokes).  They call each other Gerry and frequently use it (Gerry) as a noun, verb, adverb and expletive.

Let me demonstrate: This Gerry movie was a Gerry-in' piece of Gerry.  Not as funny when it isn't smurf, is it?

My first attempt, I fell asleep.  I continued only to see if it got better--or if there was a big revelation that would make it make sense.  Because, I was missing something, right?  This Gerry movie can't be so Gerry, right?

The best part--and only mildly amusing part--was when Casey climbed a rock and couldn't get down.  So Matt made a dirt mattress (i.e., a two inch pile of dirt and stones) for him to jump down into.  The theory was that it would cushion Casey's fall and he wouldn't break an ankle.

It worked--but maybe if he would have busted an ankle it might have been more interesting.

At one point I started timing how long they would go without talking, but I got bored and gave up.

This disaster of a film got me thinking.  What other movies made me feel like less of a person for watching them?

So, I compiled for you my Top 10 list of Horrible Movies.  Special Thanks to Kriston and Jenni for their input and inspiration.

10.  Sideways - Weak plot, not enough of Wine Country, even though it toted it was a movie about life in Wine Country.  Vaguely amusing at times.

9. Remake of Planet of the Apes - Just not my kind of movie.  Not interesting, and even though I knew the ending, I found it disappointing and dumb.

8.  Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End - What a way to ruin what was an awesome first film.  Epic Fail Disney.  Epic Fail.

7. Tie: Anchorman & Ace Ventura - Nearly anything by Will Farrell and Jim Carey's early work is crap.  Both Kriston and Jenni said they felt they lost brain cells from watching these movies.  I'd have to agree.  Maybe I don't get the humor.  But I'll pass.

6. Pearl Harbor - Boring and just taking advantage of the popularity of World War II movies.  Very cliche.

5. Disney's Fantasia - Oddly frightening for a movie created for children.  Boring too.  My elementary school played this at a movie day.  We LOVED movie days.  We'd all go to the gym, watch it on the big screen have buttery popcorn and get out of class.  At the break of this movie we begged not to go back.

4. Intolerable Cruelty - Another movie I watched all the way through in hopes it would get better.  Kerry and I dragged the papasan chairs in our room and had drinks for a movie night.  This was way better than the movie.

3. Gerry - Bad enough that it inspired me to write a post about the worst movies I've ever seen.

2. The Exorcist - I have a love-hate relationship with horror movies.  I love the thrill and pure release.  I hate that most of my childhood fears come from seeing the movies at too young of an age. (Let that be a lesson to you: no matter how cute it is that your little pumpkin isn't afraid of the movie, DON'T LET THEM WATCH IT.  THEY WILL BE SCARRED FOR LIFE)

It's all hate for the Exorcist though.  I literally had to will myself not to fall asleep during it.  At the end I asked my mom what I missed because this classic supposedly set the standard for decades of horror films.  I guess that's why there are so many bad horror films.

And, the worst movie I've ever seen .....

1. Monster's Ball.  I wanted to see this movie for two reasons: huge buzz from the Oscars and Heath Ledger.  I cannot pick out a redeeming factor from this movie.  Plot holes. Poor acting in parts and disturbing story.

Now, I'm all for movies that tear down your world to expose a hard truth for a greater purpose.  This was just gritty and dark to be dark and gritty.

Well there you go.  10 movies I would not recommend.

And to help you out a little more ... My tips for your viewing pleasure:

If it's bad, turn it off.  It won't get better.

Watch different movies than your normal style.  You'll find some gems.  Plus you'll sound more intelligent when you tell your friends about the holy piece of Gerry that you wouldn't watch again if you were paid.

Finally, popcorn, papasans and/or booze can redeem the experience even if the actual movie makes you want to poke your eyes out.

Rub some dirt in it!

I wasn't going to watch the Olympics this year.  I just didn't care.  I don't watch these sports--ever--why should I now?

Part of why I'm sick of it is there's always so much hype before the games even start.  We're forced to root on the network-deemed key players: Lindsey Von, Bode Miller, Apolo Anton Ono.

And then, there's figure skating.  That bitter taste of the first sport I ever followed.

I defiantly ignored the pomp and circumstance that is the opening ceremonies.  I was glad to not be a part of those talking about (and witnessing) the Georgian who died in the practice run.

I even stopped listening to my favorite sports shows.

I was that serious people.

But then came Tuesday night, the epic black hole of television viewing.  There was nothing else on, and I was flipping through the channels.

I paused for a second NBC.  Bob Costas was on, so I paused a little longer.  Maybe they would have a segment with Dan Patrick.  Then they started showing whatever sport they were covering. 

And before I could turn the channel, I was drawn in.  For two weeks, it was the highlight of my night.  Maybe it was post-Super Bowl withdraw or that there was absolutely nothing else on television. 

But everything about the Olympics, the history, the stories, the sports had me tuning in.

Of course, the things that bugged me still did.  I watched very little of figure skating.  And, I got sick of the storylines getting shoved down my throat. 

If for nothing else, I'm so happy I didn't miss Shaun White throwing down the Double McTwist 1260.  White excites me the same way Peyton Manning thrills me.  His greatest and dedication elevates the sport.  He makes it look so effortless and turns it into an art. 

Though, he's a bit more naturally entertaining than Manning (even though Manning is deceivingly funny).

So, until we meet again Olympic Games ... I'll try to give you a chance next time around.

Don't judge a book by its first chapter?

All the Flowers are Dying by Lawrence Block surprised me.  I checked out the audio book (most the books I "read" nowadays are audio books) and nearly took it back to the library after a shaky first chapter.  I just had a dud of a book called the White Tiger and I thought my bad luck was continuing.

A man goes to prison to visit a convicted man on death row.  The prisoner claims he is innocent and we learn he's telling the truth.  Because the man who befriends him is the man who framed him.

The book is much too short.  The plot is just exposed and it comes to a conclusion.

But what's there draws you in.  The author shares with you several brutal murders and graphically exposes you to the serial killers mind.  Every chapter you're wondering how his heinous deeds are going to collide with our hero.

The author lent his voice to the recording, which turned me off.  It had little variation from character to character which was distracting.  It took too much concentration to figure out which character was speaking/thinking. 

Plus, it's hard to hear the villain and then the character you're supposed to cheer and relate to share the same voice.

In the end, I'm glad I stuck with this book.  I'd certainly read more from this author.

Feeling Guilty

I didn't wake up on the wrong side of the bed.  I got to sleep in.  My headache is gone.  It's sunny and warm.

So why was I cranky?  I'm not sure.  Maybe it was the bland coffee.  Or that stain on my shirt.  Maybe it was the country music.  Or that I didn't get any breakfast. Maybe it was that my day was planned without consulting me.  Whatever it was I was CRANKY! 

I knew it, I could feel it.  I also could tell it was written all over my face.  But, people being sunny and nice ... it only pissed me off more.  My mom doesn't like it when I'm cranky.  She picks and prods and tries to find out what's wrong ... even when it's nothing more than I'm in a bad mood.  Trouble with that, is that it only makes my mood worse.  She should know, but she does it anyway.

And then I feel guilty for feeling cranky.  But why don't I have the right to be in a bad mood?  Why can I not be left alone to let the sunshine (or coffee) wash it away?


The sunshine, coffee, french fries ... whatever it was .... worked because I'm not in a bad mood anymore.

Now I just feel guilty.

Sunshine Crisis: the Tale of Two Hands

I have a sunshine crisis.  Don't get me wrong, I love sun.  It's wonderful.  We need more to melt the snow and get spring here.  I respect it and always where sunscreen when I'll be out and about.

BUT .... BUT ... and I cannot believe I'm reporting this to you.  It's tanning me unevenly.  Through my office window.

Yes, folks.  My left hand looks like it's back from the future ... the likes of June.  While poor right hand is present day hand of winter-skin-sun-deprived March.  My face also looks like it's been going tanning (without the rest of my pale body).

My office has south windows.  When the sun is shining, it's magnificent, sometimes even too hot. (I know, I know, cry me a river) When it's under, it's freezing. 

I noticed the other day that I had a tan line where my ring is on my left hand.  I thought to myself how odd that was because I usually don't pick up a tan line that deep until late May or June.

As I was putting lotion on yesterday it was like looking at the hands of two different people.  And short of closing my blinds entirely ... I'm not sure what I can do about it, because I cannot move my desk or change where my computer sits.

I guess I'll have to start putting sunscreen on my left arm every morning before I go to work.

The one about the Soy Sauce and Run On Sentences

I have not made a hot meal from scratch in two weeks (excluding the Super Bowl Sunday buffet).

I've not bought fast food or utilized store-bought frozen dinners.  I've only utilized cereal, ham sandwiches, PB&J sandwiches for one or two meals (excluding breakfast).

What I have been doing is totally depleting my freezer reserves of made-ahead meals and eating Super Bowl leftovers.  Enchiladas, Lasagna, Tortellini and Pot stickers .... And my god, so happy I've made those make-ahead-meals. 

Tonight was Pot Stickers, tomorrow I think I'm actually going to have to cook something.  Which means taking that something out of the freezer tonight. Which means I need to remember that before falling asleep.  Which I haven't done because I haven't succeeded in staying up past 9 or 10 all this week.  Maybe the espresso I had at 5:30 will help me.  Maybe.

While enjoying my pot stickers tonight, I was dipping them in Soy Sauce.  I bought the Kikkoman naturally brewed stuff---WOW! It's strong.  The first two dips nearly crossed my eyes.  Of course, me being the dork I am, instead of wasting the soy sauce that I cannot possibly use to dip because it overshadows the flavor of the pot stickers, (note the long run-on sentence, friends, it's a thing of beauty) I got my funnel and poured it back into the bottle. 

It actually worked.  Then, I cut the soy sauce I left in my dish with orange juice.  I just remembered I was also going to put scallions in my dipping sauce.  Oh well, lunch tomorrow I guess.

Okay I'm running out of steam ... and I have work to do ....

In short,
1. When you cook something yummy, make more than you need and freeze some (before you completely cook it, when possible).
2. Orange Juice and Soy Sauce is better dipping sauce (even better if you had scallions in it) than straight Kikkoman Soy Sauce
3. Don't listen to your English teacher. Run On sentences are awesome.

Not too cool for cereal

Okay, so I must walk into this with you with a warning.  I'm blocked.  I don't have anything.  And right now, I'm sick.  But I'm also sick of looking at my blogger bookmark and clicking on others because I have nothing to put here.

I get the case of the know-nothings every year.  This year it's either really late, or it came early.  I'm not sure what to do to make it go away.  All my usual tricks haven't worked.  Listening to music, reading books, trying something new .... football ... nothing!

So I'm just going to type through it ... and hopefully what comes out isn't too much of crap that you forever disregard me and my writing.

I went to the store yesterday to get some orange juice to help power away my cold.  I'm almost half done with what I bought ... still have a queasy stomach, foggy head, no fever though.

There was an awesome sale on Life Cereal, so I also stocked up.  Five boxes!!! My mom never bought Life.  I had it once at my grandmas? or maybe some other relation.  But the moment I had it, I was hooked.  Kinda like Pepsi Twist, dark chocolate and Muscato wine.

I remember telling my mom about this awesome cereal and how amazing it was but for the life of me i couldn't remember the name ... although i knew it was relatively short.  So the next month we went up and down the cereal aisle every time we went grocery shopping.  Finally figured it out ... then saw the price.  And that was the end of my hopes of eating Life.

Now since I'm left to my own vices, I'm not so much of a cereal person.  I'm picky in the way I really don't like eating the same thing day after day.  And I often don't get up with enough time to get dressed, make coffee, get lunch together for the day, do my hair AND eat breakfast.  Sometimes I'm lucky if I get three out of the five done.

But every once and a while cereal sounds good.  And when given the choice it's either life, frosted shredded mini wheats, raisin bran or grape nuts.  Grape nuts is also quite pricey and hardly on sale.  But boy, when Life is on sale I buy it! With Vigor!  Even if I don't need it. (I know, that's also called "hording," but I will eventually eat it ... though I don't think that helped my case any).

So, Life was on sale.  And I bought it (five boxes)! With Vigor!  And I put it down in the basement and stepped back and lovely looked at my collection of Life Cereal.  Oooooh, ahhhhh.

This is why I don't type when I'm blocked.  It's like drunk typing, slightly less typos, same amount of pathetic.  Oh well, I've never been accused of being cool.

Desparately Seeking

Desparately seeking inspiration!!!   I don't know where my little kernal has gone ... but I can't write an interesting (at least to me) entry to save my life!  It all ends up blah, or how to or Zzzzzzz.

Oh inspiration ... where for out thou and how can I entice you to come back home?

On resolving to not have resolutions

We've launched into a new decade.  (Hooray! May it be a hellvua lot better than the last!) Of course with each new year comes the time honored tradition to mumble the words of old ayng zyne ... and resolve to be better than the year before.

I've always sucked at keeping my resolutions, along with every other person who's spending money on a gym membership they stop using in February (even though the calories from Super Bowl Sunday would really benefit a work out).  My resolutions were never unique, lose weight, be more outgoing, spend more time with friends, etc. etc.

Early in my 20's I realized I couldn't remember what I had resolved to do (or stop doing) by the time Saint Patrick's Day rolled around.  So, I stopped making resolutions.  Why delude myself into changing?

In 2008, I wanted to make a change.  Life is too short to settle, and I was sick of not feeling good about myself.  So, I had one thing I want to make progress in.  I thought long and hard about ways I could make it happen.  I made efforts each day.  And, I really, actually was able to change my habits and attitude.

Last year I did the same thing.  I resolved to not make a resolution, but instead, go green.  I did a fair amount of early research.  I added a couple of green blogs into my RSS feeds and found a range of changes I could make.  From the very easy, to the habit forming ... and though I could do more and I'm not at the level of Al Gore, I'm happy with the change I've made in my lifestyle.

Talking to a friend this year, the inevitable question came up.  My answer was I don't make resolutions, but I have a goal in mind.  And as soon as it left my mouth, I realized I was making a resolution.  Damn!!!

So, I guess I failed that resolution in 2003---to not make resolutions---but I've succeeded following through in the life-changes I've set my eye on.

And here's how I've done it:

1. Do your research.  What's involved in your change? What do you need to accomplish it?
2. Map it out.  What changes can you make right away?  What are actions that will take longer to accomplish?  How can you make it into a habit?
3. What does success look like?  Recognize when you're making progress, then go back to your map in #2 and work towards the next level of progress.

You're not going to succeed if you're not truly interested in making a change.  Maybe some people make resolutions purely to be a part of the tradition--and the tradition of not keeping them.  And that's okay too.

Farewell and good riddance to the Aughts

Here's the fourth installment of the year in review.  This time, we're saying goodbye to a decade ... my second full.  I'm not sad to see the "aughts" go.  There were generally more good than bad, but the bad moments were so trying and life-altering.


May the 2010 decade bring much happiness, prosperity, merriment and lots of posts!

Three Words to Describe 2009: Loss, Historic, Ripples

TV Show: Two way tie: Grey's Anatomy & Doctor Who

New TV Show: Gotta give this to a radio/cable tv show moment ... Danettes Dodge Ball Bets.  I would get DirectTV just for that (luckily, they are posted on YouTube)

Song: Not Meant to Be - Theory of a Deadman

Book: A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini

Movie: The biggest disappointment I had when I finally got to see  ... Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End.  Crappy Ending to a series that started out great!

Most Notable NFL Moment: The sign from Sunday: 75% percent of the world is covered by water, the rest is covered by Charles Woodson  (the person who thought that up is BRILLIANT)

I'll turn the channel when: any thing with Sarah Palin on! (Please, Please GO AWAY!)

Gift Given: Kelly's toys ... too, too fun

Best new tradition/habit: Ten Dozen Minutes with Jick & Skully internet-radio show. 

KoL:

Wine: 9 ~ Tomato Wine from my mom's coworker, maybe not the best as compared to "professional wines" but most interesting

Best Blog: Dooce.com

Fa a la la la la lotr

For some reason, I had a hankering for The Lord of the Rings series.  And surprisingly, it's getting me in the Christmas spirit.  I think its because there are so many messages of hope that is pulling me in right now.

These are my favorite passages from the first two movies (courtesy of imdb):

Frodo: I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.
Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world Frodo, besides the will of evil. Bilbo was meant to find the Ring. In which case, you were also meant to have it. And that is an encouraging thought.

Frodo: I can't do this, Sam.
Sam: I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.
Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?
Sam: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for.


Sam: I wonder if we'll ever be put into songs or tales.
Frodo: [turns around] What?
Sam: I wonder if people will ever say, 'Let's hear about Frodo and the Ring.' And they'll say 'Yes, that's one of my favorite stories. Frodo was really courageous, wasn't he, Dad?' 'Yes, my boy, the most famousest of hobbits. And that's saying a lot.'
Frodo: [continue walking] You've left out one of the chief characters - Samwise the Brave. I want to hear more about Sam.
[stops and turns to Sam]
Frodo: Frodo wouldn't have got far without Sam.
Sam: Now Mr. Frodo, you shouldn't make fun; I was being serious.
Frodo: So was I.
[they continue to walk]
Sam: Samwise the Brave..
(I'm only as far as the Two Towers.)

There's so many things I didn't remember.  And so many fantastic little jokes throughout.  It's one of those movies that keeps drawing me back.

But every time I watch it .... I'm still mad at Eowyn throwing herself at Aragorn, even after he tells her he is bound to another.  Seriously, bitch, step off.  He's Arwen's man.  And she's Elvin.  What do you have to offer other than wielding a sword and whining?

Theoden also drives me a touch crazy (speaking of which, so does Denethor, but that's in the next movie).  Theoden gives up when the Keep is breeched.  No hope, no direction to his army, his people who were still fighting.  Actually, he lead them to their death by going to helms deep in the first place.  Eomer is only Rohirrim that I enjoy (and gets the short end of the stick).

I love that Pippin is the one who gets the idea to lead Treebeard South past Isengard to see the destruction Saruman has wrought against the Earth and the trees.

Faramir is the yummiest actor in a cast of very yummy actors.


Some of the scenes aren't as technically shiny, bright and spectacular as I remembered. I don't know if it's because I've watched the technical behind the scenes so much and I have a pretty good realization how it was put together (and totally disillusioned that that is not Elijah Wood's real hair) or if in the years since this series has come out and it doesn't seem so cutting edge anymore.

To sleep or to watch TV ... that is the question

I write to you, gentle friends, laying in bed, typing happily on my laptop.  I'm pondering watching The Fellowship of the Ring until I fall asleep or skip the middle man and just go to sleep.

The beauty of all of this?  I'm on vacation.

Woo-freakin'-whoo.  I've had a horrible three weeks.  And a pretty sucky month in general.

I've discovered the old adage of when one door closes another one opens also lends way to when you're trapped in a burning building and all the doors are stuck, if you break a window the whole house might combust.

But I can put all of it behind me and out of my mind and enjoy my time away from the rest of the world.

I'm planning on sleeping in.  Wrapping presents.  Watching television and lots of internet videos.  I'm fairly caught up on all the blogs I read, so I'm going to continue reading my 600 page book ... you know the kind, those heavy things made with paper.

I'm also going to write.  Here and hopefully my book.  Watch for posts. Over posts, and lots of catch up work with my photos on flickr.  I'm going to be dangerously close to not making my goal of more posts than last year.  I'll have to do some real soul searching as how to remedy that with a good conscience.

There's also a lot of filing and cleaning I've been neglecting and accumulating since last summer.  It may be dull but if I get some of that done I'll add years to my life.

If I can have one wish for this vacation other than warm weather and that it would never end...  I wish that this stuffy nose will go away ASAP and with it the groggy, headaches and no energy that has been accompanying it.

Most Unique To Do's I've had

My stove area has a weird spill-over burnt smell.  Cleaned it twice to no avail.  Tonight as I was microwaving some green beans, I realized it's the microwave.

To Do List
1. Clean the Microwave

America's Test Kitchen just told my not to buy my normal brand of diced tomatos--and I didn't think they tasted bad.  Their choice is 60 cents more--I'm sticking with mine.

To Do List
1. Clean the Microwave
2. Look at my tomatoes with satisfaction



I love the way my hair looks when it was damp.  It's not soaking wet, it's not quite dry. It's straight and flipping and doesn't feel as heavy.  But then it dries--thickens (is that possible?) and gets that ugly wavy to it.


To Do List
1. Clean the Microwave
2. Look at my tomatoes with satisfaction
3. Straighten my hair

Christmas music is awesome! It totally brightened my mood and helped my decorating move along.

To Do List
1. Clean the Microwave
2. Look at my tomatoes with satisfaction
3. Straighten my hair
4. Listen to more Christmas music.  Add to phone and/or MP3 player

Fall decorations have exploded all over my living room and dining room.  I had half of it put away, but then had to dig it out again to find some ornaments.  I'm in the point where it's gets much worse before it gets better.

To Do List
1. Clean the Microwave
2. Look at my tomatoes with satisfaction
3. Straighten my hair
4. Listen to more Christmas music.  Add to phone and/or MP3 player
5. Put away fall decorations, try not to let the Christmas stuff vomit over everything. Post pictures of exploding, vomiting and the pretty aftermath

I've been discouraged with adventuring because it's taking forever to reach level 30.  I've done all I can do in Hobopolis, and underwater isn't fantastically entertaining.  But, it's Crimbo, and I get to work for a mob penguin.

To Do List
1. Clean the Microwave
2. Look at my tomatoes with satisfaction
3. Straighten my hair
4. Listen to more Christmas music.  Add to phone and/or MP3 player
5. Put away fall decorations, try not to let the Christmas stuff vomit over everything. Post pictures of exploding, vomiting and the pretty aftermath
6. Keep adventuring.  Hope to reach Level 30 before I turn 30.  Hire some hobos. Punch Advent calendar.


I'm shamefully enjoying the trailor of the squeakal of Alvin and Chipmonks.  Who knew Rite Round and Single Ladies were more entertaining when sang by a chipmonk?

To Do List
1. Clean the Microwave
2. Look at my tomatoes with satisfaction
3. Straighten my hair
4. Listen to more Christmas music.  Add to phone and/or MP3 player
5. Put away fall decorations, try not to let the Christmas stuff vomit over everything. Post pictures of exploding, vomiting and the pretty aftermath
6. Keep adventuring.  Hope to reach Level 30 before I turn 30.  Hire some hobos. Punch Advent calendar.
7. Enjoy that Chipmonk commercial.  Laugh. Every. Time.


On the subject of singing.  I'm horrible.  I'm the person Simon Cowell says is atrocious because i thought I had some sliver of talent.  My music teacher in seventh grade said i had expressive eyebrows when i sang, i should have realized how bad of a sign that was.

To Do List
1. Clean the Microwave
2. Look at my tomatoes with satisfaction
3. Straighten my hair
4. Listen to more Christmas music.  Add to phone and/or MP3 player
5. Put away fall decorations, try not to let the Christmas stuff vomit over everything. Post pictures of exploding, vomiting and the pretty aftermath
6. Keep adventuring.  Hope to reach Level 30 before I turn 30.  Hire some hobos. Punch Advent calendar.
7. Enjoy that Chipmonk commercial.  Laugh. Every. Time.
8. Keep singing. Just not in public.  Never listen to myself sing.  Ever again.

And why can't I ....

He said: ...

I said: ...

What I SHOULD have said:  Why do you always have to be such a dick?

Never Good Enough

He said: It's too bad you didn't do better ($500 + food donations for recent food drive)

I said: I'm happy with what we collected.

What I SHOULD have said:
1.  It's a Concert NOT a Dance
2. There's an ever-loving E in my name.
3. I'm NOT a republican!!!!! (Stop sending me propaganda and asking me to coordinate your events!)
4. Nothing is EVER good enough for you, is it?

:-)

D'oh! Oh Network, where did you go?

Around a month ago I came into the office, started my computer, ho-hum just another day.  Computer boots up with no welcome screen.

You know the one, serene blue color, saying, Good morning Stacey.  How's it going?  Is the coffee good this morning?  Did you bring me a cup?  Two creams, one sugar.

Yeah, that one.

Except, it's not there to ask for it's coffee.  The computer takes me straight to the desktop.  An unfamiliar one.  No pretty wallpaper.  No icons of programs that make my world go round.  No various projects that I've saved on the desktop.

And, as I start to hyperventalate because I cannot even access the network, I hear a faint screaming of my computer profile trapped inside the tower.  (From it's shaky account it was blindfolded, poked with searing hot objects and force fed liver)

My profile was sucked away and held hostage for around six hours.  The computer hostage negotiator had to come and boy did he have his hands full.  He had to sweet talk and threaten the evil demon that was torturing my good friend.  I don't know what all went down those six hours except that there were various passwords given and promises made.

In other words, a full work day gone because of technical difficulties.

But that, unpleasant wasteful day was like a hang nail compared to the computer armageddon we experienced this week.

That's right.  A full week.  Five work days.  WITHOUT THE NETWORK. 

The computer that houses the NETWORK was going through black screen convulsions.  "I was not properly shut down last time.  Shut down now? Safe Mode? Resume as is? If you don't touch me within the next five seconds, I'll do whatever I please." 

Turns out, it did the last option no matter what we tried to choose.

It was a crisis situation, so we called in the reserves.

We had email, we had Internet (after some prodding on my part to the so-called-computer-expert) and we had whatever what was located on our individual C-Drives.  Which, my friends, wasn't a whole lot.

One coworker went gangbusters and cleaned.  Which meant she was done with that usually long drawn out task by 2 p.m. on Monday.  (Say it with me folks, F.U.C.K.)

It was an interesting little experiment of who could hold their sanity longest.  (I'm not sure if I won.)

One of us would start something and get cocky.  "Hey, look at me!  I'm working and being productive without the precious NETWORK.  Now I just have to load this Update to the Web site and send out the email ... and .... dammit ... web updates are on the NETWORK. .... WHY GOD, WHY?!?"

La la la, working on something, oh wait, I have to check that figure.  BAM. It's on the NETWORK.

And on. And on. And on.

The busy work and random tasks we could find really didn't task our brains ... and by Wednesday we were all getting a little punchy.

However, our office is now cleaner than when the cleaning Nazi walked our halls.

Friday at two the computer "expert" came back with the computer that houses the NETWORK all new and shiny and working.  The only problem with this is he didn't know where the NETWORK was on the new computer.  He wouldn't listen to the file paths I was giving him.  But oh well, what do I know?

With around one hour left in the week, the NETWORK was restored.  I was so disoriented at all the different options of folders and files that I didn't know what to work on first. 

File it under, What I SHOULD have said ...

She said: Thank you for taking my place in that three hour after work, "sit there and do nothing" thing.

I said: Not a problem.

What I SHOULD have said: "You owe me the first studio show of So You Think You Can Dance?!!"

I've been here before, a few times

I had the oddest memory come to me while I was raking leaves.

It was my freshman year of college and I was in the newspaper office with the other two editors.

Whatever we were talking about came around to the fact I was having trouble sleeping.  One suggested I take sleeping pills.  I said I had thought of that too, but my mom nixed the idea.

He said, "You're an adult now, you don't have to do what your mom says."

I didn't saying anything at the time, because I knew she was right.  They were something I truly didn't need and it was a very real risk that I could have become dependent on them.   A risk I feel better not taking.

My sister and I had a similar conversation about a different obligation.  It was my grandmother's 80th birthday party on the same day as something else I wanted to go to.

"You don't always have to do what mom wants," she said.  Unfortunately I started to cry (I do that when I get frustrated).

I didn't have to be there, but it meant the world to Mom and Grandma.

I've done plenty of things my mom is not happy about or things she wouldn't have chosen for me. But what they don't understand is being an adult means that just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.

With that said, if I could have found a way to go to that Goo Goo Dolls concert when I was 17 and forced to go to Grandpa's birthday party, I so would have.

Come on now, Johnny trumps all.

I Miss You. I Miss You.

When I was young we went camping as a family.  My grandparents and quite a few of my mom's brothers and sisters and their kids.  We would have nearly half the campground to ourselves, the family is so big. 

These were probably my favorite moments of my childhood summers.  Beautiful warm days, all together at Lake Solberg in Phillips.

One time, Laura and Lenny were there, my mom's aunt and uncle.  They wanted to go fishing off the dock and they invited me too.  My dad had gotten me my own fishing gear, so I was all set.  They showed me how to cast, and reel the line in.  It was with them that I had caught my first fish.  I remember being so proud, and their smiles shining on me with pride.

After that my dad and I went fishing when we would go camping without the family and it would be just me and him.

Every family reunion I would stop by them to say hi and they would always ask how my fishing was going.  When we stopped camping they would just ask about me. With such a big family, and not being the loudest of the crowd, it's easy to sink in your own little corner, pigeon-holed to a typecast that someone else fits on you.

But they always saw me.  Maybe they saw the little girl I was, with that tiny fish that one summer.

And now, Lenny died.  And I'm going to miss seeing him.

It's great with that jacket, it's like you're one big sexy fish

I've been staying up late this week, and sleeping in too.  Who needs time to get ready for work in the morning?  Apparently, not me, maybe.

I'm not sure why I'm not going to sleep at a normal time.  In the whole of September I probably stayed awake past 9:30 all of five times.  Hey wait ... maybe this means that cold is finally gone.  Except for the inexpictible stuffy nose and sneezing I was doing this morning.  But to make myself feel better, I'll pretend that was allergies.

Yesterday I watched a two hour interview with Seth MacFarlane online.   Yes, I'm a dork.  But oh yes, it was fantastic.  (too lazy to find the link for it, stayed up too late to remember what it was called).  It was some made for the Internet show hosted by a comedian.  Seth had three beverages and then asked for a salad, and then they brought him one. (it was more funny last night then what it sounds now)  Seth was on Flash Forward (fucking awesome, hopefully he's on more episodes and will maybe have a storyline.  One show at a time, MacFarlane is taking over the television)

Tonight I indulged in some Blink 182 & Mark Hoppus you tube clips.  Nice.  The Hartford concert tribute after DJ AM died brought a lump to my throat. I think the lack of sleep effects the numbers side of my brain first because all night long I've been typing 192 and then I'm all wtf? That's not right.

I'm trying to stay awake for South Park, I'm not sure if I'm going to make it.  Hmmm The Late Show with Craig Ferguson is starting to get a little raunchy. 

He says that when you want to be crazy and yell at people, back in the day they used green ink. I didn't realize that.

Last week I got Children of the Corn from the library and watched it with mom.  It has Linda Hamilton in it, and I am contractually obligated to watch anything with Linda Hamilton with mom.  It really wasn't scary by any means, but most horror films from the 80's weren't really that scary.  The male lead was dumb as a box of rocks like most characters in horror films.  It got to the point I was routing for them to kill him.  He kept trying to talk to the brainwashed, crazy, murderous children.  Don't be fooled by this ridiculous dogma he would sneer at them as they closed in around him weilding their reapers and macheties. 

Towards the end was really the best.  He yelled at one of the kids that didn't show homicidal tendencies to get out of the cornfield, but then asked him three separate times for help. He was making a molatov cocktail to set the cornfield on fire and three it to an area that he hadn't sprayed with alcohol. The kid ran and got it, gave it back to him and said "Now throw it right this time!"  Nice.

And THEN at the very end, he got attacked again (because he's that much of an idiot), and Linda saves the day.  He starts wondering what they should do cuz this girl in unconscious in the front seat.  She says, if you want to become a doctor in Seattle, we got to get the hell out of this town.  Yeah, duh---but if I were Linda I'd leave him behind to convince the crazy girl that she shouldn't follow the word of he who walks behind the rows.  For an atheist, he has too many conservative righteousness.

I just learned from TMZ that the Saints have a bye this week.  Damn, them plus the Packers, I have a lot of players I need to replace.  I hope the Colts and Steelers aren't on a Bye or I'm pretty screwed.

Ohhhh, it's the hurricane katrina episode of South Park.  Gotta stay awake for that.

The Where the Wild Things Trailer makes me smile because the song is the closing of the last segment on Fridays (Arcade Fire) for the Dan Patrick Show.  I also love when Seton plays Blink 182 songs.

CBS plays instrumentals from AvA during their pregame show.  It really puts a damper on my Sunday.  Not enough that I would ever consider watching the FOX show, but still yuck.

And with that .... Ladies and Gentlemen .... the stylings of South Park, and then to sleep.

Should have bought stock in Kleenex

Ahhh ... AHHH ... CHOOOOOO!!!!!!

Obviously I'm sick.  I've had a cold for about three weeks. Sniffy nose and miserable.  Now, I've caught another cold that includes huge sneezes every other minute.  Stuffy nose, watery eyes.  FUN.

This cold has left me even more unmotivated than I usually am--which is pretty pathetic.

In this haze of tissues, the one thing that drives me crazy is that people need to give an opinion about what's really wrong.  Because it's absolutely polite to say to someone who just told you they were miserable for the past two days that they really don't have a cold.  It's the flu.  Or, it's allergies.  Of course you know my body better than me.  I've only had it for 26 years.

But let me tell you, it's a cold--it feels like every other cold I've had.  And unless you have a medical degree and you have checked me over, you don't know. Come a little closer, tell me again, and I'll sneeze on you.

It's one of those colds that if I could remove my nose from my face until it was back to working order, I would.

A nice little touch to my cold today is the sudden dip in temperatures.  We received the first taste of fall today--complete with 40 mile-an-hour winds.   The weird thing about these winds is they are truly gusts.  It can be calm one moment and then, like right now, they bloom up out of nowhere and look like they could rip the trees out of ground.  Even those two ginormous pine trees in my backyard.  I think they may have even lost a couple of limbs.  I'd go out and look, but it's 47 degrees out, and I'm not that curious.

I just finished My Sister's Keeper.  Something you should try to avoid when you have a cold?  Crying.  Man. I did not see that coming.  Not the crying.  This book has been great and captivating, but hard.  It hits too close to home and it wasn't something I could breeze through without fighting serious bouts of depression.  But the ending.  Wow.

Get the book.  Read it.  Make sure you have tissues.  Then go hug your kids, and your parents.

Tingling all over

Kick off weekend was awesome.  So awesome, in fact, I think I was a little over-stimulated.

What a better way to start the season than a game that went into overtime?

See that red light? It means you shouldn't be moving.

The road construction is really pushing me to my limit.

It's not the detours, having to drive through an obstacle course of orange barrels and gravel.  I don't care that we've been playing the guess which road is closed today game since April.

What's driving me bonkers is that in dealing with all of this, people have decided that sacrifices they make because of this construction means that they do not have to obey traffic signals.

There's one area at a four way stop, if you have to make a left turn you should factor in another 15 minutes to your travel time.

Picture this: You're sitting in a line of cars as far as the eye can see, about six car lengths away from the left turn lane.  You can see that precious green turn arrow ahead in the distance pointing you towards the promised land.  The long line of cars vaguely begins to move.  When you are four car lengths away from merging into the turn lane, the arrow turns yellow.

And, then once you finally get in that lane, you lose right of passage.  That is, supposibly.

But the two cars ahead of you decide they are above the authority of that lighted arrow and continue to turn without it. This makes the oncoming cars (who, technically have the right of way) wait.  These cars decide they will continue on their way at the red light, because they were cheated out of their green light.

This sets off a cascade of vehicles traveling through the intersection whenever the hell they please only regarding the signals as a vague suggestions. 

This traffic sucks, I get it.  But because you needed to go at that very second, you just made the whole process five minutes longer.  It's a crap shoot people, and a wonder how there hasn't been an accident.

Oh, on a separate note, I was at a presentation for work at an elementary school yesterday and some parent backed into my car.  Then, she high tailed her pick up out of the parking lot.  The office personnel told me what happened and called the police.  I waited around for 25 minutes to file a report, he said it looked like over $1,000 damage.

I haven't gotten the estimate yet, but that's exactly what I needed.  Add my broken oven, and the other engine repairs the car needed anyway, looks like the fall bills will be hefty.

Let me count the ways ...

Ah, the start of the NFL Season, only topped by the thrill of the Super Bowl. Kickoff weekend brings all the things I love about football flooding back ...

1. Feats of brain over brawn (Denver WR-Brandon Stokley running parallel so that time ran off the clock or the Brian Westbrook play last year where he took a knee on the one yard line instead of scoring so the clock would run out and the other team wouldn't have a chance to score).
2. The chatter and cadence at the line of scrimmage before the snap.
3. The beauty of a pass rocketing straight down the field to a waiting receiver.
4. Sacking the other team's quarterback.
5. A defender appearing out of seemingly no where to swoop in, intercept the ball and run it in for a touchdown.
6. The winded D-lineman when he's the one running down the field trying to make a touchdown after a fumble recovery or tipped ball.
7. Whisper of a perfect completion.
8. Thwack of a batted away ball.
9. Comrade of the players and coaches.
10. Grace of the athletes.
11. Toeing in touchdowns.
12. One handed catches.
13. One handed over the shoulder catch between two defenders.
14. A pass that's floated into a receiver and caught without breaking stride.
15. Anticipation of the big game.
16. Celebrations.
17. Pre-game choreography.
18. The synchronicity of no-huddle offense.
19. Redirection at the line of scrimmage.
20. New commercials (practically better than famed super bowl ads).
21. Holding your breath at the big play, waiting to see the conclusion.
22. Ricocheted passes that are completions and touchdowns.
23. Perfectly executed blocks.
24. Making defenders miss.
25. Shrugging out of a sack.
26. Stiff-arming a player two times bigger.
27. Nail biting final moments that pay off.
28. Making something out of nothing.
29. When reviews go your team's way.
30.  Complicated formulas to get into the playoffs.
31. Third down defensive stands.
32.  Stretching for the first down.
33.  Big yards after the catch plays.
34. Booming kick off or punts.
35. Field goals that dink off the upright.
36. Eleven hours of football (with pregame/post game).
37. The really good color commentators & pregame shows.
38. Surprises as scores come up on the ticker.
39. Bad weather games.
40. High scoring games.
41. Broken plays that gain yards.
42. Fake plays.
43. Blocked field goals.
44. Triple digit fantasy points.
45. Ending the game with an interception.

Of Ice Cream Trucks and Doodleage

I'm sitting here quite ravenous waiting for supper.  15 minutes never seemed quite so long, and I should have started prep about a half hour ago so I wouldn't be contemplating chewing off my arm or polishing off the rest of the ice cream.

I'm waiting for my portabella mushrooms to rehydrate so I can finish my stir fry.  I love mushrooms, especially the bellas, but they are so pricey.  I hope this cheaper alternative is a good alternative.

Today is day two (or four if you count the weekend) of my long awaited vacation.  I've been blessed with such beautiful weather.  I've slept in, watched favorite television shows I don't usually get to see, had lunch out and been canceled on three times.  Three times!  Everyone is canceling on me.  Oh well.

Today my godmother, grandmother, aunt and cousin came for a visit with my mom. My mom made a point to inquire about the depth of my cleaning last night.  I don't think she approves of my standards of housekeeping.  Now, I'll admit I'm not the best.  But it's never more than an hour or two of spot cleaning to get it back to presentable.

I made sure to ask her what she thought of the state of the house on the phone tonight.  She approved. If she wouldn't have, it wouldn't have taken too much of a toll, but it's still nice to get the compliment.

This week I've been serenaded by the hum of air conditioners all around me.  By necessity I think I've trained myself to deal with the heat (not that it's been that hot this summer).  Because two years ago I would have been begging to turn the air on or UP. I don't have air in my house and have only ran my fans around three times.

As I write this, I sit under a quilt (and it's around 74 degrees).  I still have two quilts, a blanket, sheet, plus a throw on my bed.

Dude, an Ice Cream truck!  I didn't think they still existed. What fun. If I had some cash I would help the Ice Cream Truck Economy.

I've become quite a doodler lately, and I don't usually do so.  These doodles aren't anything interesting.  In fact, they're just swirls and scrolls.  While I was recreating the same looping swirl over again during video editing, I got the thought to incorporate my subject of doodleage in a new masthead.  But how?

Over and over again, my pen looped around, and I realized my swirls reminded me of Starry Night and I did a quick sketch of this masthead.  I'm not totally satisfied with it, but overall, I like the effect.

I'm frustrated with the overall look and organization of my template, but haven't found anything I like better.  So, I guess this will do.

Another frustration is my innate nature to avoid writing the book I'm working on.  I'm an aspiring writer, which I've always hated admitting, because, isn't everyone?

I have three solid ideas which I sketch out and write passages here and there.  I don't know if its the struggle of prose that keeps me stagnant, the double duty of typing my written long hand (because the open and vast blankness of the word processor sucks the creativity out of me) or the vanity of writing for an immediate audience.

My good intentions always fall flat.  With my remaining time this week, I'll try to remedy that.  Ooof.

The hot tamale train is nearly at the station again

I love that Dooce loves So You Think You Can Dance?.

How exciting is it SYTYCD will be on this fall?

Even though I enjoy him, I hope Evan leaves this week. I think final two will be Kayla and Brandon -- with Brandon winning. (Even though I like Jeanine more than Kayla, but I think Kayla is the better dancer)

My predictions for final standings (I cannot believe the finale is next week!)

1. Brandon
2. Kayla
3. Jeanine
4. Ade
5. Melissa
6. Evan

With the exception that America is in love with Evan and he might make it to the final, leaving Ade going home tonight. 

Just like sour chocolate soy milk

Driving home from work today I almost hit a kid on a scooter. Almost as in if I hit the brake about 5 seconds later this would be a whole different post. I was still in the momentum from my turn when a little blond boy no older than seven, rolling on his scooter, zipped from the sidewalk by the other lane, over the center line to my lane.  My heart was still pounding as I turned into my driveway.

No, wait, it wasn't.  The pounding was replaced utter annoyance as I had to sit on the edge of the road waiting to turn right onto the street that leads to my home.  There I got to see the smooth moves of a teenager trying to ride and trick out a skateboard in the middle of the road.  Or should I say, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE F'ING ROAD!?  DO YOU NOT REALIZE I ALMOST HIT A SEVEN-YEAR-OLD AND BY GOD DON'T TEMPT ME TO MOW YOU DOWN!

Then, THEN this kid looks at me over his shoulder, tries a kick flip, and fails.  He picks up his board and walks to the sidewalk.  I wish I had skills so I could grab his board, do a wicked backside kickflip 360 give it back and walk away.  As if to say, this is my road and you better clear the way when I'm coming punk.

To continue my issues, I learned that using my office key to open the house doesn't work.  And chocolate soy milk goes bad really quickly. This discovery was such a disappointment.  I had at least two more glasses in there and I was really looking forward to having a glass of chocolate milk with my omelet for supper.

More awesomeness

Blink-182, always involved with something awesome.  Click the photo above to enter to win a ton of prizes.

Say it isn't so

Oh Big Ben, I hope it's not true.

Ben Roethilsberger vows to fight 'reckless' lawsuit

Putting your heart in it

I saw this performance on Ellen in November.  I was so struck by it that I immediately downloaded a copy of the song.
 
Beyonce -- Flaws and All on Ellen

Just saw it again today and had to share.

My absolute favorite Beyonce performance ever. 

Another Day

My brain is so wired with deadlines and yard work and housework that I'm not posting as regularly as I would like.  And I regret that terribly.

Remember when I said I could do it but I might go crazy?  Moving up everything a month?  I wasn't kidding.  And instead of that week off I wanted?  I think we should make a month.  And y'all can fend for yourself.

Recently I discovered I have a chipmonk bogarting my birdfeed (though I still hold true on those rules and the birds disrespecting my authority).  Watching the little guy shimmy up the pole and stuff his little cheeks was cute for the first couple of times.   By the fifth time the second day, I started throwing things at the window.  (When they take me to the crazy house, will you visit?)

I finally got the Brilliant idea that he couldn't shimmy if he couldn't get proper grip (and wasn't affiliated with any climbing association).  So I went all crisco on his ass .... or shepard's hooks.  Problem solved.

The birds must have told the bunny who was using my flowers as a buffet that "Dude, she means it and you better watch your poofy little cotton tail, because she's gunning for you."  Because I haven't seen him in plants or nibblings of plants in weeks.  I do however observe him and his momma every night in the neighbor's yard around 7 or 8.  As long as meal time in the Foo Foo family stays out of my yard I'll turn a blind eye to these activities.

I'm dangerously close to a music rut, which could spell very bad business right now.  Sarah turned me on to pandora.com, which is enjoyable for work.  I use last.fm at home and the only problem with both these services is that it generates a playlist for you based on songs you rate positively vs. negatively.  So when you throw one off beat song in there, it totally messes everything up.  We both had to waste our skips on weird songs that were being thrown into the rotation.

I get it though, Punk + Adult Alternative  = the Twang Kings.   No, no ... I totally make the connection.  It's a standardized test thing right? bread is to food as Twangs Kings is to poking my eyes out with very sharp objects.

Speaking of sharp objects, I broke a chopstick trying to put my hair up yesterday.  I've gone through a lot of chopsticks that way and forgot the shock and dismay when it snaps.  Then the contemplation.  Should I fish out the broken part later?  It's up and so tight that it'll actually look nice for a couple of hours if I leave it alone ... 

I might have to go in to get my hair thinned out though, I straightened it and it wasn't Barbie hair.  It was flat and limp.  Like cabbage patch yarn hair.  (Tim's head exploded at that statement I'm sure)

One last bit and I should go do dishes.  Mom and I were sitting after doing yard work last weekend and she said to me, "Is that your vein?" (the blue line on my thigh, completely flat and always been there btw)  Well, yes it is. "Oooooohhhhh you're going to get vericos veins!!"  Gee, Mom thanks for completely tapping into my insecurities and killing my self esteem.  It's your genes screwing me once again.

Moral of the story, mother nature always wins

Sunday as I was digging up the (ugly) ferns around my house a bug (hornet, bee, wasp? I dunno) flew up and stung me .... behind my ear ....

The pain was instant and so intense I thought I had been shocked by my MP3 player.

I went inside and brushed my 'ear' off and felt around it to see if I could tell where I had been stung.

Later that night as I was getting ready for bed I noticed in the mirror a three inch diameter swollen and red cirlce by my 'ear.'

Panic set in.  This was the first time I had been stung since Lymes Disease and I didn't know how I'd react.

Lymes Disease? What, you say you don't know the tale of when a teeny tiny tick bit me and then knocked me on my ass for three months?  Well then, let me regale you.

It was the Friday before the 4th of July weekend back in the ye olde year of 2004.  I woke up with a pain in my side and when I went to show my mom she discovered a 4 inch oval that was red and swollen. My knees were also bothering me so she decided we should visit the doctor.

Dr. dippy-dandy looked at my side and said it was probably an allergic reaction or something and took blood work.  He gave me a wimpy dose of antibiodics (like the kind used to treat a hang nail or something) and said come back when this three day supply is gone if the rash doesn't go away.

Achy knees turned into hardly being able to sit still to sharp nagging pain in my ankles, knees and hips.

I wasn't sleeping well and by the time Monday and my three day supply rolled around we went back.

The "welt" hadn't gone away, but really wasn't worse, and the blood work came back normal. He told me there was pretty much nothing he could do.  So I asked for something for the pain.  Obviously I was a just a college student looking for a high because he told me it was all in my head and I should just go home and try not to think about it. (Seriously.)


The passing days did not mark any improvement in my condition.  The pain was constant and so bad that if I sat down for any period of time every joint felt as though it was being seared with a white-hot flame.  The only relief I felt was when I was standing, moving or with cool baths, but as soon as the water hit room temperature it was unbearable again.  I couldn't sit still, let alone fall asleep. I went for three days with no sleep except for a couple of 15 minute naps in the time it took for the water to drain from the bathtub.

Needless to say, it wasn't a good thing for my mood, and my mom was getting a bit annoyed with how irritable I was getting. (She still points it out, but I'm all "give me a break, I hadn't slept for three days. Isn't there a study that no sleep for seven days and you die, five days and you go crazy? I was this close to absolutely losing it on you.")

At my wits end, and praying for some relief or death, we went back in to the doctor's office. 

Thankfully the original quack...er, doctor I saw was on vactation, so they gave me his replacement.  She took my temperature and reported a whopping 109 degrees.  Finally, she acknowledged something might be wrong.  She gave me a higher dose of antibodics, the "we don't know what the fuck you have, but this should knock the everything but the black plague out of you" dose.

These lovely little pills gave me a splitting headache.  So bad that I couldn't lift my head. And I thought not sleeping was rough.  These pills kept me on a pretty regular schedule.  Take a pill, contemplate throwing up because the pain was so bad, sleep for four hours.  Wake up, take a pill, cry because it hurt so, so much; sleep for four hours.  And on. And on.  Well, at least I got some sleep.

I'm not sure how long I kept this cycle, I lost a lot of hours.  But after the prescription was nearing it's end and I wasn't any better my mom made an appointment with the infectionous disease doctor.

I went to visit him, exhausted and in so much pain I could hardly move my limbs.  He took a blood sample and had it tested for malaria, west nile, lymes and other random third world diseases that might be lurking in the outdoors of Central Wisconsin.  The results would be back in a week.  In the meantime he gave me a different set of antibodics at a much lower dose to keep fighting whatever was ailing me--with the warning to stay out of the sun and watch for insects. 

What a fun summer.  I did get a mosquito bite that weekend though, made my arm swell to the size of an orange for a day.

A week later the result: Lymes Disease.  Yet another prescription of more targeted antibodics for another month and I was to come back in six weeks to see if I was successfully treated.  In October, I received the happy prognosis that my Lymes was treated, but I would always be a risk for achy joints and sensitivity to bugs.

I can tell when I'm stressed, getting sick or a really bad storm is coming on.  My knees, hips/lower back will hurt.

So back to the sweet little insect who stung me on Sunday.  The summer of the Lymes Disease flashed through my head as I fought back a panic attack and the urge to call my coworker to tell her if I don't come in any day this week I was probably laying dead somewhere in the house.

Monday the red circle had gotten bigger and I had to take out my 'earring' because the area itched so much.  By the end of the day I had a head-splitting headache and all I could do was lay in bed for three hours, willing it away.  My mom suggested benydril, so Tuesday I went to the store and got the biggest bottle I could find (and some bug spray). 

Swelling was still the same, but it took the itch away.  I got home from work on Tuesday, made supper, ate and sat down to watch a television show before I did dishes.  I woke up at 6:30 and only pulled myself out of bed to take some benydrill before I went to sleep for the night.

Wednesday I could finally see some improvement.  Oh joy! I wouldn't have to go to the emergency room! 

Today, Thursday, it's completely gone and itch free, so I could put my 'earring' back in.  Whoohoo, I didn't want the hole to close up.


All my life, I've been scared of spiders and snakes.  Guess I should have been terrified of ticks.  Now I get the hee-bee-jee-bees every time I walk under a tree or a bush brushes me.  Plus when we find a tick (and thankfully, I've only had one) I burn the ever-living-hell out of it.