If I could go back

I once wrote a paper in high school that was supposed to reflect a vision for my future.  I wanted to live without regrets, and I was told that would be impossible.

Until now, I've done a good job of not missing the big things ...

Something I can't explain in the core of me says I missed out.

Let this be my proclamation to the universe... I wish I would have said yes.  Please don't let it be my only chance.

It's freezing in the corner of my mind

Day 15: A Song that Describes You

I poured over my song library searching for a song to describe me.  I listened to every station I have on Pandora.  Unfortunately no single song jumped out ... I had a list of eight songs.  I suppose that's a good sign, it means I'm multi-faceted and complex, right??

I decided on this song, because there are quite a few lines that I relate to ... and, well, I feel describe who I am.

Ain't that Unusual - A Boy Named Goo - Goo Goo Dolls, 1995

Specifically ... "there's something I wished I said, but I don't think it'd rhyme" and "freezing in the corner of my mind."  I feel as though I very much live in my head ... sometimes a good thing, but it also holds me back.

I'm going through a phase, one that I've felt before, where I feel as though other people are defining who I am, labeling me based on the surface.  And I'll admit it, my surface isn't all that good most of the time.  It's a challenge for me to be there -- complete and my true self in each moment.

And, oddly enough, the surface of this song seems sort of depressing, but I've never felt that way.  It makes me feel hopeful.

There's something cold and blank behind her smile

Day 14: A Song No One Would Expect You to Love

I'm not sure I should assume what people would expect of me ...

But, the most off genre artists that I choose to listen to would have to be Marilyn Manson.  I've always been slightly fascinated by him--but can only listen to his music in small doses.

I think Manson is brilliant in the way Tom DeLonge wants to be brilliant.  He has captured what it is to be an icon, to create a brand, persona or caricature that is instantly recognizable and revokes a reaction.  He's no different from the Lady Gagas, Katy Perrys, etc, etc. in mainstream culture.

I love watching his videos and really appreciate the art he makes with different uses of symbolism, commentary on society and pushing the envelope .... even if it's just to push the envelope. (Oh, and Grey's fans, Lexie is in his Tainted Love video)

Coma White - Mechanical Animals - Marilyn Manson, 1999

Shortly after I first watched this video, there was a special marking the anniversary of JFK's assisnation. It gives me goosebumps just for that.

Day 15: A Song that Describes You

All eyes on me

30 Day Music Challenge -- Slightly prolonged due to life ... but back again!

Day13: The Song that is Your Guilty Pleasure

I generally embrace the music I listen to, and can defend the merits of any choice.  I walk off the beaten path musically, so in most instances people don't share my musical ear anyways.

However, there are two songs in my library that I'm embarrassed for people to see.

My guilty pleasure:

Circus - Circus - Britney Spears, 2008

I get she's a pop princess celebrated by the likes of Glee.  But she represents the mainstream blah that spawned mediocrity for music.  She's a top performer, I'll give her that.  Though in this video you can tell she was coming off babies, rehab, head shaving and god knows what else.  Lots of face shots and far camera position on the dancing.

This song isn't good; necessarily, but for some reason, I like it.

Day 14: A Song No One Would Expect You to Like

It's made me all who I am inside

Day 12: A Song from A Band You Hate

Other than favorite song, this may have been the easiest to choose.

I hate Angels & Airwaves (AvA) because it's the band Tom DeLonge formed after he disbanded from Blink-182 (bitter much? yeah I know). He had a bit of a mental breakdown (my opinion) and thought he was changing the face of music with his miniseries-movies-trilogy-event.

AvA's music was heavily played on my punk Pandora station. And there was plenty to play, they released three albums between 2006-2009.  Most of the songs  borrow the sound, rhythm and riffs of Blink.  They aren't just similar--I swear "Everything's Magic" is the same song slightly reworked as "Anthem Pt. 2" from Blink's Take off your Pants and Jacket.

So Tom, if you're creating this epic new experience than why are you recycling old tunes?

But that's not my favorite AvA song ...

Rite of Spring - I-Empire - Angels & Airwaves, 2007

I like this song even though it's in Tom's monotone, droning voice.  Every time I listen to it I have to grit my teeth at the few friends still last lyrics.

But, it's honest and emotional ... and the story not only of Tom's life, but of growing up and living with how the choices we make shape our world.

Day 13: My Guilty Pleasure 

A moment in your arms became the reason why

Day 11: A Song from Your Favorite Band

I had to do some minor soul searching when it came to this post.  My favorite bands are Goo Goo Dolls, Blink 182 and +44.  And in different periods of my life I listened to each heavily.  Goo was my teenage years, Blink was my early twenties and +44 captured 25+.

So which is my favorite?  I think I own just as many CDs from the first two and the third only had one. But I think it has to come back to the Goo Goo Dolls.  There are just too many fantastic songs that I will always love.

And, this is a perfect day to write a post about my favorite band.  Because I just got back from seeing them in concert.  I totally held my shit together too, I was impressed with myself.  I wasn't that crazy girl who was crying and draping herself over the stage (she was there though).

I must admit, when Iris started, my knees sagged and it was really all I could do not to cry.  It was one of the moments that the universe gives to just you, even though there are hundreds of people in the room.

So, there are probably 5-10 songs you know from the Goo Goo Dolls.  And they're great.  But there at least 10 more that you haven't heard that are fantastic, just simply beautiful.

Without You Here - Let Love In - Goo Goo Dolls, 2006

So, let's dish about the concert.  Sadly, they didn't play this song.  It was way too short (even though it was a little over an hour and a half?). Robby sang like three songs (two I liked, which was a blessing) and he wasn't wearing any shoes.  We were in the standing mezzanine level, which was an awesome view.  Speaking of which, Johnny was on in the yumminess factor, but was wearing a red baseball cap. So disappointing!  He had a black longish sleeve shirt, khaki pants and older vans style shoes.

I had on a fantastic outfit with light purple shirt with black and white scrolling flowers up the side, black cover up and my awesome purple shoes.  I broke out the Johnny necklace and my Gutterflower emblem and wore earrings in every hole (which I very seldom do anymore), patterned after Johnny's piercing (So, can you believe I wasn't that girl who was crying and making a fool of herself?)

Thank you to Breanna & Robert for inviting me, it was a great night and I wouldn't have wanted to share it with anyone else.

I'm going to send you a song from my heart

Day 10: A Song that Makes You Fall Asleep

I've known about this artist for about two years now, which seems almost impossible.  I've seen her twice in concert and hope to see her again this summer.

This song could make me fall asleep because evokes such a serene mood.  It's light and happy and the perfect tempo to just let go, close your eyes and dream.

The Bird Song - Chameleon - Victoria Vox, 2008

You have to check out the video, it's so clever and cute - perfect for the song and Vox's style.

I love love love Victoria Vox and it's even more exciting because she's from Green Bay.

When you need a little time to unwind, just turn to the uke, songs in French, mouth trumpets and creative socially conscious lyrics.


Day 11: A Song From My Favorite Band -- what a perfect day for it too!

Always on my mind like reflections on my shades

Day 9: A Song You Can Dance To

I don't really dance.  At least not in public.  I wish I had skills, but alas, uncoordinated white girl here.

If I were to dance, I would totally kill it during this song.

Fighting for Air - Free Wired - Far East Movement, 2010

I discovered FM through following members of Quest Crew on Twitter (@thequestcrew, my favorites: @hokutokonishi and @victorquest).  The Asian Invasion is strong in the LA arts/dance/music world and the really talented ones (that catch my eye at least), seem to be friends.

You probably know Like a G6 (yes, it's about a plane) and you should check out Rocketeer feat. Ryan Tedder, the lead singer from One Republic--the video's awesome too.  I loved Like a G6 and started hearing more songs from Free Wired from the twitter peeps, so shortly after it was released I picked it up.

I'm not the dance club kind of girl, and I typically don't dig this type of music.  Black Eyed Peas is the closest I get to dance-pop. Fighting for Air sort of reminds me of 80's Madonna-driven dance music.

Fighting for Air is the song that gets me refocused when I'm working out. Free Wired always gets me energized and ready for anything.

Day 10: A Song that Makes You Fall Asleep

In moderation, this sensation would be fabulous

Day 8: A Song You Know All the Words

I have an uncannily ability to identify songs -- especially songs I love -- by the first few notes.  I can sing half the song in my head before the opening even starts.

I also discovered I still know the words of songs I haven't listened to in years.

Who knows what it is.  I have trouble memorizing just to memorize.  I'm not musically talented, but I could give you a list of 100 songs I know the words to.

But you're not interested in that, so I'll just choose a fun song you might not know, but should check out.

Washin' & Wonderin' - Nasty Little Thoughts - Stroke 9, 1999

It has a couple of tongue twisters, so I think its the perfect choice for today.

You know Stroke 9 -- they wrote Little Black Backpack off this album. Also a great song, but just the tip of the iceberg.  You should also check out Vacuum Bag from Rip it Off.

Day 9: A Song You Can Dance To  (hmmm...popping bottles in the ice?)

I need your grace to remind me how to find my own

Day 7: A Song that Reminds You of an Event

This event was a very sad day for many of our friends.  In fact,  things would never be the same.  Some were able to rise above the challenges that followed, while other crumbled ... and laid on the bathroom floor.

Is it a cop out to post a song from something that didn't happen to me ... or in real life?

Nevertheless, I will never be able to hear this song without picturing the night Denny Duquette died.

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol - Eyes Open,  2006

I think I'll always remember Izzy laying on Denny's death bed, dressed in her pink prom dress with her forehead pressed against his neck.

It's quite interesting that the moment that will always stick with me is with the character I liked the least.  I'm still sorry she didn't die, but it's probably better that she healed and left Alex.  Shows her true character.

Coming up next: Day 8: A Song that You Know All the Words

Crack of dawn, all is gone except the will to be

On to Day 6: A Song that Reminds You of Somewhere


When I was in high school and part of college, I worked at a local bar/banquet hall with my mom.  We would go in at 4 in the morning to clean the bar, dining hall and dance hall.

I'm not a morning person, and my mom knew that from the one syllable grunts she got for the first two hours we were there.  Thankfully, she let me bring my CD Player and let me listen to music.  Because we were the only ones there, it also meant I could listen to it as loud as I wanted.

This actually turned out to be quite inspiring for me.  I can't even count how many columns for my high school and college papers I outlined on napkins when the right thought and construction of words hit.  Something about moving very methodically and focusing on the music must make my brain synapses fire.

Each day I would make my way to the dance hall to mop.  I'd start it while Mom finished up whatever she was doing in the kitchen and dining room.  I would clean about half the hall before she'd make it in, giving me plenty of time to enjoy the notes bouncing off the various acoustic boards installed to make it pleasing for weddings.

One song in particular gave me extra pleasure ... even more so when I knew my mom had over indulged that night before (I'm a horrible person, aren't I?)

For Whom the Bell Tolls - Ride the Lightning - Metallica, 1985

I always enjoyed how the bells reverberated off everything.  It really gave me a spark as my energy started fading after a couple hours of work.

Especially when I cranked up the volume.

Next: Day 7: A Song that Reminds You of  A Certain Event

You'll come out of nowhere and into my life

30 Day Music Challenge - Day 5: A Song that Reminds You of Someone

So, initially the only songs I associate with other people are for negative reasons.  I don't use this as a forum to air my dirty laundry, so I couldn't choose them.

Then, there was a song I think of because a friend loves because it reminds her of her childhood ... and that just didn't seem right, it wouldn't have been my song.

I continued to ponder, and Pandora gave me the answer.

Michael Buble's "Haven't Met You Yet" played on "My Favorites" station.  Big thumbs down! I really don't like this song.  It's good, but just not my cup of tea for general listening.

But it makes me smile and think of Hokuto Konishi, because of this piece he choreographed to capture the essence of the fuzzy feeling you get when you're falling in love.

Haven't Met You Yet - Michael Buble - Crazy Love, 2009

You can find the full song or Buble's video if you want.   But when I hear it, all I see is Hok dancing (and his perfect heart at :14 seconds).

And it makes my heart smile.

Swirling Clouds in Violet Haze

30 Day Music Challenge - Day 4: A Song that Makes You Sad

I'm not the type of person to listen to songs that make me sad.  Most songs I enjoy with that undertone usually end in hope.  And I try to listen to more upbeat music when I'm sad ... so I struggled with this day.

I went through my music files and came up with eight songs.  Three songs were from musicals, so context is pretty important to lend the emotion and that's a little bit of an unfair advantage.

But one shone over the others whenI realized that I sometimes skip this song because of how melancholy it makes me.

Vincent (Starry, Starry Night) - American Pie - Don McLean, 1971

Vincent is McLean's stirring tribute to the artist Van Gogh.

I've always admired Van Gogh's most well known painting, Starry Night. (I saw it at the MoMA and used it as inspiration when I painted my bedroom.)

But I began to notice often the things I found beauty in were subjects of Van Gogh's art: sunflowers, deep blues and purple, soft greens and finally, my favorite flower Irises.

I'm not sure what exactly the paper was about, but I had to write a persuasion paper for an English class, and I chose to center it around Van Gogh.  At this point, I discovered the song by McLean.  Since, Josh Groban has covered it, also a fantastic version.

It makes me sad because so many are inspired by Vincent's works now.  But he found very little success or praise when he was alive.  Vincent barely made a living and was often tortured by various afflictions of mental illness.  I think everyone can relate to not being appreciated or understood, and McLean captures the anguish we all feel in this song.

Tomorrow: A Song that Reminds Me of Someone ... I had one picked out ... but changed my mind!

I only want to be part of your breakdown

30 Day Music Challenge - Day 3: A Song that Makes you Happy.

This is not easy at all!  What a task to think through the thousands of songs I enjoy to choose one worthy enough to place here.

When Your Heart Stops Beating - When Your Heart Stops Beating - +44, 2006

I discovered +44 through Yahoo! Music by chance.  A very poor quality video played as I listened to the song.  I noticed the bassist stance was familiar, but the drummer's style was unmistakable. 

On to Google and Wiki I went. +44 was formed by Travis Barker and Mark Hoppus of Blink182 in 2005 after the split up.  What?! I missed that memo (and people, this was a full year or longer later--where was I? I felt unworthy to call them one of my favorite bands).  I was sad to know there wouldn't be any more Blink music, the last release was so different than what they had done in the past.

As my shocked faded my new love for +44 grew.

I think I bought the album that day or very soon after.  I listened to it at least 8 months straight in my car.  This is unusual for me as I change CDs at least twice in any trip over 15 minutes (if I'm not listening to sports talk radio), and at this time my total daily commute was around 40 minutes long.

So why this song?  I love the melodic repetition.  The hard beat. I love how the lyrics punch through the air.  The video is average--and compared to Blink videos, a disappointment.  But you gotta give Travis credit ... he broke his wrist in the filming and just kept drumming.  

Every time I hear this song, I cannot help but be energized or tap my foot.  It brightens my day without fail.

As much as I was disappointed Blink was gone, I was even more devastated when they reformed.  I want to know what's next in the +44 chapter.

Day 4: A Song that Makes You Sad  ... I have a list of eight, now I just need to narrow it down.

Oy Vey - Turn it Off !!

30 Day Music Challenge: Day 2 - Least Favorite Song

This was a hard one. The thing is, I don't listen to music I don't like.  I generally do not listen to the radio because I cannot choose what I want.  I like listening to lots of different kinds, and try to give most a fair shot.  But there are some songs that I know instantly--I'm never going to like it.

So given any number of days, I could probably create a list of at least 100 songs.  Since I only had one day, I decided to choose between the two that jumped out at me as I was looking through some music sites and my own CD's.

The honor goes to ....

 Give Me Just One Night (Una Noche) - 98 Degrees - Revelation, 2000

I really don't recommend that you watch that video.  I muted the computer so I wouldn't hear it when grabbing the link.

I own the first CD from 98 degrees, and liked them generally better than the other boy bands of their era.  This came from a third album (I guess they count the Christmas one as #2?).  Something happened between 1997 (first one) and 2000 (Revelation) that ruined their sound.  Maybe it was the insanity create by 'NSync's pop dominance. (Maybe it was Jessica Simpson.)

Anyway, this song makes my teeth hurt.  I can't tell you exactly what is horrible about it because I haven't listened to it in 10 years and I'd rather not revisit it.  At one point, a cousin locked me in the car when this started playing just to torture me with the horrible, horrible song.

On to better things! 

Day 3:  A Song that Makes You Happy  :-)

Closest to Heaven that I'd Ever Be

Just saw a friend post a video for his Day 1 pick of the 30 Day Song Challenge.  I found the full 30 Day list via search here.

I was just thinking about writing about music and how diverse my tastes have become, so this is perfect.

Looking at the list, it's actually going to take a lot of thinking, and may be a little harder than I first thought.  Regardless, what a fun challenge, and hopefully I get to share some great music that you might check out.

So Day 1: Your Favorite Song.

Now, I don't listen to this song as much as I used to, but whenever it comes on the radio or pandora  I pause, take a breath and smile.

Iris - Goo Goo Dolls - Dizzy Up the Girl (written for the City of Angels Soundtrack), 1998

This was a confusing time for me musically.  I had grown up with country and Disney musicals.  But now, I was listening to Top 40 radio on the bus.  I knew the music of my childhood wasn't going to cut it, but the new music wasn't that thrilling either.

But then came Iris, which was so dynamic and different from late 90's pop; I loved it instantly.  Legend has it, Lead singer John Rzeznik was suffering from writers block when he was asked to write a song for City of Angels.  He saw the movie and wrote Iris immediately after.  It was their breakthrough single to mainstream radio, and set records for the time of being number one for 18 weeks.

So I looked into the band and I discovered that a couple of the songs I liked from the radio were from the Goo Goo Dolls.  And, as with all things I love, my interest certainly didn't stop at Iris.

Oddly enough, years after I fell in love with Iris and the Goo Goo Dolls, I saw City of Angels.  I dislike Nicholas Cage and didn't enjoy his performance.  The movie was good but I think I only watched it that one time.

I now own all of their CD's except for the first release, self-titled.  The Goo Goo Dolls are THE band that shaped my teenage years.  Listening to their music is coming home.

Day 2: Your Least Favorite Song ... what will I pick??